NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — 38-year-old punk Eli Collum once again hovered his phone’s camera over the old-school Equal Vision logo thinking it was a QR code to access a brunch menu, disappointed sources confirmed.
“It took me about three solid minutes to realize my mistake. I thought something was wrong with my phone at first, I quit all the apps I had open, and then I realized I’d been pointing my phone at the back of a used 108 record I just copped at Purchase Street,” said Collum while forcefully blinking his eyes. “But I guess it all makes sense. I always thought it was confusing that Hare Krishnas had such a big influence over the hardcore scene, and now 30 years later Krishna is still fucking me up. But maybe this is a sign I finally need to get glasses.”
Collum’s longtime girlfriend Lisa Packer noticed his mistake immediately, but didn’t want to embarrass him in public.
“A lot of the places we eat got rid of hard copies of their menus during Covid so we are used to scanning QR codes before ordering. I tried to lead by example and show Eli the QR code on his placemat, but he just sat there getting more and more frustrated,” said Packer. “He started grumbling like a jaded grandfather about how ‘technology is trying to kill him’ and how ‘things were so much easier back in 2004.’ But honestly I don’t even know why he pretends to look at the menu, he always orders chocolate chip pancakes no matter where we are. He’s pretty stuck in his ways.”
Equal Vision founder Ray Cappo says he does not understand why anyone is confused by the logo.
“Anyone can see the logo is a divine deity. If your eyesight is failing you it’s probably because your parents gave you poisonous vaccines as a child,” said Cappo, also known as Raghunath Das, before doing 15 push-ups and locking into a Mayurasana. “Human eyeballs should work with complete clarity for at least 150 years. Only outside toxins can cloud your vision, and if you open your third eye you will be able to see past this world into eternity and beyond. Also, Youth of Today will be playing Brazil next March and we will have some exclusive merch for the tour you don’t want to miss.”
Friends fear Collum’s other senses might also be failing him after he reportedly said “I went back and listened to an old H2O record and it wasn’t that bad.”
Photo by Clark Orr.
Devo’s 7th studio album was their first without drummer Alan “the human metronome” Myers, and folks, he dodged a bullet. The spud boys tried to get butts out to the dance floor with this bland techno-pop, but frankly I’d rather sign mine up to test rat traps on. Musically, this proves their de-evolution theory, though! Maybe that was the point?
The last album they released before calling it quits for the majority of the 90s. And, it was a well-earned respite, because these guys sound tired. One big redeeming aspect of this one was the Devo “uniform” for this era was straight-up leisure suits, and c’mon, that’s pretty funny.
Stuff you’ll find on “Shout”: the dinkiest synth trumpet sound you ever heard, Mark Mothersbaugh sounding like Sting sometimes for some reason, and a pretty solid Hendrix cover. Luckily, this sounds as though it’s likely what Paul Reubens heard and enjoyed enough to hire Mothersbaugh to score Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. Imagine if that position had gone to Hans Zimmer??!
Devo’s big comeback record doesn’t disappoint. A solid record that sincerely doesn’t sound at all like music made by dudes approaching their 70s. Hell, for all we know they ARE robots!
Now we’re talkin’! The follow up to their most popular album found them actively seeking to reject their newfound post “Whip It” fame and firmly digging their heels back into being uncool and proud of it. Also, it’s the one with the plastic pompadours.
Hell yeah. In a sea of bangers, gotta give a special shout-out to “Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA” for containing one of Bob Mothersbaugh’s career-best guitar solos. Heck, the same song’s even one of Mark’s best synth solos. Dang, should this be ranked higher??
A potentially controversial rank position, but I’m ready to defend myself. I’m talking physically, too. Even if it boiled down to fisticuffs, I think I’d be able to hold my own… we Devo freaks aren’t an especially buff bunch, but we do fight very dirty. Anyway, this album rules.
Between Whip It, Girl U Want, and the introduction of the now-iconic Energy Dome look, this album may be the “obvious” one… but bread is an obvious food, and it’s still absolutely delicious.
Any one of these songs could, and should, replace the Star Spangled Banner as our National Anthem.
