Old Nudes Used to Check Suspicious Moles
KANSAS CITY — Local man and occasional nudist Ry Karter dusted off some of his old naked photos to check…
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Patrick Coyne
376 stories found
Punk House Enters 28th Consecutive Month of ‘No Mow May’
HOUSTON — Residents of a local punk house have unconsciously participated in “No Mow May” for the past two years,…
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Friend of Polycule Beginning to Feel Like 7th Wheel
CLEVELAND — Friend of local polycule Devin Dietrich admitted to feeling “left out” during platonic activities that don’t require seven…
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William H. Macy Insists Way More People Would Have Died on 9/11 if He Had Been on That Plane
LOS ANGELES — Actor William H. Macy insisted that, unlike his “Boogie Nights” costar Mark Wahlberg, had he been aboard…
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Jonathan Davis Hired to Teach CIA Agents How to Control Bullets Through Scatting
LANGLEY, Va. — The CIA hired Korn frontman Jonathan Davis to teach operatives how to control bullets through scatting following…
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Woody Guthrie’s Guitar Detained by Masked Federal Agents
TULSA, Okla. — The guitar that once belonged to legendary folk musician Woody Guthrie was seized by federal agents and…
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Confused Trump Deploys National Guard to Roku City
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced yesterday that he had deployed the National Guard to Roku City, the fictional cityscape…
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GWAR Roadie Scrambling to Find 236 Gallons of Alien Cum at 8:00 p.m. in Macon, GA
MACON, Ga. — Panic-stricken and barely coherent GWAR roadie Miles Giodarno was spotted dashing through the streets of Macon, desperately…
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Real Life Ratatouille: This Rat Yanks My Pubes and Makes My Dick Do Stuff
Most people will tell you Disney magic is something you only see in movies or after an unlicensed mushroom retreat.…
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Serial Killer Leaves Knife Hanging Over Side of Sink in Case He Wants to Kill Again Later
MOAB, Utah — Local sociopath and murder enthusiast Greg Allen Hargrove reportedly left his favorite blade casually hanging over the…
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