Nathan Kamal
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November 17, 2025
CHICAGO — William Hopper, the bassist for local metal band Cannibal Buffet, was abruptly promoted after a particularly bad streptococcal…
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Alfred Barnes
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September 9, 2025
BALTIMORE — Black metal vocalist Ben “Plaguebearer” Rockwood wreaked havoc during Wincrest Elementary’s recent Play Day following questionable face paintings…
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Steve Packosky
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September 8, 2025
BOSTON — An attractive woman seated across from you on the subway was probably just waiting until the right moment…
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Mark Shady
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September 3, 2025
COOS BAY, Ore. — Members of Shivtank made it perfectly clear that they were absolutely not cool being associated with…
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Dan Kozuh
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September 1, 2025
KENILWORTH, Ill. — Local metalhead Travis Garnette was dejected after failing to scare unsuspecting suburbanites while wandering around Lovelace Park…
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Steve Packosky
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August 31, 2025
DAYTON, Ohio — You settled for talking about Lamb of God with your coworker Nate Hollis after he heard you…
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Steve Packosky
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August 21, 2025
BUHL, Idaho — A book report on epic 1851 novel “Moby-Dick” by 10th grader Nick Henderson had clearly been written…
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Patrick Coyne
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August 16, 2025
MACON, Ga. — Panic-stricken and barely coherent GWAR roadie Miles Giodarno was spotted dashing through the streets of Macon, desperately…
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Steve Packosky
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August 10, 2025
WASHINGTON — Experts at the Department of Education (DoE) have issued a dire warning that further cuts to their institution…
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Steve Packosky
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August 9, 2025
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine suggested starting a “supergroup” with Metallica members James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich and Robert…
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