MADISON, Wis. — Lead scientists from the University of Wisconsin–Madison have found Wyoming to be ranked 50th amongst states alphabetically, according to an extensive study…
LOS ANGELES — MTV announced today a controversial new collaboration with the adult film production company Bangbus for a reboot of the early 2000s reality…
SPRINGER MOUNTAIN, Ga. — U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders embarked upon a journey of self-discovery and healing amidst his terrible heartbreak this autumn by hiking the…
Recently my “friends” have accused me of appropriating the struggles of people with “real” mental health issues. Such projections are toxic and ignorant. Let’s unpack…
LOS ANGELES — Drum Chum, the “world’s most lifelike” drum machine, can fully simulate the experience of a real drummer by impulsively tapping on the…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Local police monitoring a peaceful crowd of thousands who had gathered to listen to a civil rights speech at War Memorial Plaza…
Avenged Sevenfold carried the torch for guitar-based metal and hard rock back in the mid-2000s. For 3-5 years, you couldn’t walk into an ROTC office…
NEWARK, N.J. — Self-proclaimed “cool boss” Ken Hammond, who often plays guitar in his office and regularly drinks with his employees, is being “totally chill”…
LONDON — World-famous primatologist Dame Jane Goodall announced today that, after 60 years of studying chimpanzees in their native habitat, she has found that broiling…
CORUSCANT — The reigning Galactic Empire is selling old laser cannons, starfighters, and other weapons and vehicles to small-town police departments on Earth for pennies…
WASHINGTON — White House kitchen staff are reportedly elated by the prospect of cooking “real food” for President-elect Joe Biden instead of preparing the usual…
Where did I get this totally sweet retro band shirt, you ask? You might think I bought it from Hot Topic like some sort of…
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase has made them collectively broke…
REPORT: Local News Site’s Comment Section More Upsetting Than 4Chan
LANSING, Mich. — Media analysis thinktank MediaViews released a troubling report today, finding that the comment sections of Lansing’s WLXT news station have surpassed the…