LOS ANGELES — The upcoming fourth installment of the popular “Matrix” movies is expected to shatter records for dumb, pseduo-philisophical discussions in dorm rooms across…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time…
Let’s go places, with our faith. Was it not Christ’s anger at the money changers during the cleansing of the temple that inspired the very…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
BALTIMORE — Local thrash metal band Gynosphinx reportedly spent close to $500 to soundproof their practice space last week out of respect for their neighbors…
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — Local man Aaron Metcalfe is hoping today that one of the apparently hundreds of horny MILFs in his area advertised on PornHub…
The moment my first child was born I my entire world changed. In a moment, a lifetime worth of collected cliche sayings and advice took…
WASHINGTON — Capitol Police instructed potential rioters today to “just use the same route as last time” in response to growing concerns around another possible…
LOS ANGELES — A study from the TV ratings conglomerate Nielsen found that Americans spend an average of 12% of their income on streaming services…
BAYSHORE, N.Y. — Local stressed out man Tanner Beggins took a brief pause moments ago from wailing into his scream pillow to flip it over…
“Walk on home, boy.” We’ve all been there, you’re having a fun session on a 5-stair with your buddies when along comes some 300 pound…
LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she will knight either Liam or Noel Gallagher of famed 90s Britpop group Oasis to quell her…
Holy shit! Can anyone help me?! If so, GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! I listened to Phantogram for the first time, and now I’m…
WASHINGTON — President-elect Joe Biden and his administration offered pizza today to any citizens willing to help move some boxes out of the White House…
Alright shithead, listen up. I put on my little song and dance about how much I like your band’s new single. I gushed about it…