ROUND ROCK, Texas — Interactive storytelling fans were disappointed this week by a new choose-your-own-adventure novel that promised the opportunity to see through the eyes…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A recent study by a research group of hardcore frontmen found that the pain of childbirth is almost as bad as the…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local punks Simone Marek and Kris Hagen announced today that they have secured “A” round funding to launch TatWell, a startup…
ATLANTA — Local metal guy and Violet Wonder guitarist Jeff Glover is “fucking terrible” at pleasuring women with his hands despite his well-known abilities to…
FLUSHING, N.Y. — A Valentine’s Day dinner shared by post-hardcore couple Jeff Casey and Allie Morgan escalated into an all-out screaming argument before suddenly breaking…
Dear Scabby: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he’s wondering why I won’t introduce him to my parents.…
MOORE, Okla. — Local drummer Henry Cortez confirmed last night that he “totally knows” what sex is, and only asked a series of misguided questions…
LANDSDALE, Pa. — A guitar in the care of local musician Andrew Sampson is treated with more respect and dignity than Sampson’s own body, multiple…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — The Scott family is paying tribute to Wrigley, their former family dog and long-deceased canine, by keeping his name alive within…
LONDON — Legendary Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page is releasing his “totally original” and “not-at-all stolen” life story this month, entitled Black Mamba Voodoo Jive…
SALOME, Ariz. — A solitary box of floss given to local man Ed Walters nearly 20 years ago is also his lifetime supply of floss,…
LOS ANGELES — In an effort to bolster declining viewership, the six-time Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots will perform during the Grammy Awards’ halftime show…
ATLANTA — Local Christian punk band Keeper of Wolves has found themselves without an audience, after both cultural groups with whom they identify disowned them…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Vivid Nightmare frontman Liam Flaherty is unsure whether his 15 years participating in his local hardcore scene served to his benefit or utter…
Instagram Witch Burned in Comments
SEATTLE — Self-identified witch Kay Clark was “burned” in the comments under several of her recent Instagram posts in the past week, a visibly shaken…