HOUSTON — Local man Carlos Berry is suspected of going from ironic enjoyment of the “Flat Earth or Death” Facebook group to a very genuine…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Fervent Beto O’Rourke supporter Ritchie Garza attended a fundraiser event for the U.S. Senatorial candidate late last week, at which he…
The Millennial scourge that has rained destructive terror upon our country’s traditional, sentimental product industry has turned its locust-like cataclysmic power on the proud condiment…
DAYTON, Ohio — Wise punk elder Jerry “Solly” Solowicki was asked to mediate this week between two bands that each claimed ownership of one of…
AURORA, Ill. — Soon-to-be 36-year-old white man James Brady is spending his last days in the 18-to-35 consumer demographic saying a final goodbye to being…
I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the popular 1970’s rock band Chicago was, technically, a ska band. I…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local punk Corinne Reeves realized yesterday that, as the newest drummer for post-punk band Proletariat Pony, she bears an uncanny likeness to…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence unveiled a new outreach program to educate citizens surrounding the dangers of post-marital sex during a White House press…
When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I…
CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
CHICAGO — Polite and respectful punk Jimmy Arano “did the right thing” at a house party last weekend by slightly moving a small pile of…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Mathcore band The David Hilbert Filter Box has successfully converted the harsh 6.2 Pitchfork review of their debut EP into a…
SAN FRANCISCO — Greg Franken, local embarrassed and disappointed father, dropped off his son at some sort of nerd convention for a band named “Real…
JAKARTA, Indonesia — The uncontacted people of the Teriku tribe are the last-known living humans yet to hear of Banksy’s self-destructing painting stunt from earlier…
When our son Terry told us he was coming home from college for the weekend to “tell us something” my wife and I had a…