MONTREAL — PornHub I.T. guy Dewey Palmer helped a fellow employee troubleshoot their malfunctioning computer this morning by suggesting they “jack the computer off, then…
I know, you probably hear this all the time. Hell, everyone wants to believe that they’re some special soul that broke the mold. But I…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…
ORLANDO — Disney World announced Friday that they’ve been working closely with the creators and producers of “Westworld” to make the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Religious supporters of President Trump were confused and apprehensive yesterday when he invited an executive from popular sex toy company Adam &…
MISHAWAKA, Ind. — Local punk musician Dana Laurence gave the “birds and the bees” talk to his seven-year-old son last night, reportedly including overly detailed…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local logophile Kyle Nazareth, the biggest fan of lyrically-advanced band Western Addiction, allegedly moshed with a large Merriam-Webster Dictionary/Thesaurus in hand at…
SANTA FE, N.M.— Bantam Books editor Krista Lowell is reportedly very excited to receive at least one new page of George R.R. Martin’s highly anticipated…
BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to the ongoing closures of bars…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A grocery store cashier and shopper wordlessly agreed moments ago to re-negotiate an overcharge on bulk beans after the Coronavirus pandemic has…
OSLO, Norway — Local guitarist Evan “Blood Vacuum” Brulend upset his bandmates yesterday when a filtering mishap revealed his corpse paint stopped just below his…
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — A $1 billion small business loan was reportedly given to the famous Bluth Family Banana Stand as part of the recently…
ST. Paul, Minn. — A Skype call between local patient Aito Jeffers and his long-time therapist Dr. Thomas Bernard offered a disappointing look into the…
ELGIN, Ill. — Local graphic designer Oliver Boone sat in his parked car for approximately 10 hours yesterday, catching up on the podcasts he usually…
CHICAGO — Levi Tanaka, bassist and lead vocalist of technical death metal band Rodeus, issued an apology today via Facebook Live for “Decimate the Weak…
