‘What’s Happening Is Catastrophic and Unjustifiable,’ – Ed Sheeran Finally Breaks Silence About Ticket Sales
BOSTON — Ed Sheeran finally broke his silence to address the controversy surrounding his embattled 2026 tour following his supporting acts’ dismissal for expressing anti-genocide views about the conflict in Gaza, sources confirmed. “The …
Hard Times Left Out of White House Ban
Okay, this is honestly just weird. Frankly, we’re not sure how we got White House press passes to begin with; we filled for them as… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
‘90s Grunge Singers Added to Endangered Species List
Donald Trump Downplays AI Risk by Claiming It’s Much Lower Than the Risk of Being Sexually Assaulted by Donald Trump
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump responded to recent concerns about rogue artificial intelligence by claiming its risk is dwarfed by that of being sexually assaulted… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
I Collect Physical Media To Maintain History and Also Because I Fucking Love Shelves
Physical media is essential. By purchasing physical media, we are preserving history in the face of the forces that want to erase it or remove… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Rob Schneider Files for Relevancy
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Iggy Pop’s Merch Booth Doesn’t Sell T-Shirts
CHICAGO — The merch booth for Iggy Pop reportedly doesn’t sell t-shirts of the iconic musician, confirmed sources who were looking for a size medium, if possible. “We adhere to a strict ‘no shirts’ rule here, just like Iggy would’ve…
Man Dies At 27 Despite Not Being Cool
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man Albert Olmsted passed away at the age of 27 despite…
Ween Enters Mescaline Hall of Fame
CLEVELAND — The Mescaline Hall of Fame announced Ween as this year's inductee, solidifying the…
Mick Jagger Assures Concerned Fans He’s Still Super Horny at 83
LONDON — The Rolling Stones’ venerable frontman insisted he’s as horny as ever during a…
Italian Nu-Metal Singer Does It All for the Gnocchi
ROME — Italian nu-metal singer Frederico Durstino from the band Limpico Bizcotti needs his fans…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…