I May Have Physically Outweighed Sam Neill by Several Thousand Lbs, but When It Comes to Talent He Was a Giant — Guest Obituary by the T.rex From Jurassic Park
It is in the mouth of sadness that I find myself today. My esteemed Co-star and close friend, Sir Nigel John Dermot Neill, has sadly passed away at the age of 78. You likely know him as Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park, the film that made both …
Plot Twist: Shirtless, Jacked Mitch McConnell Emerges From Seclusion “Ready To Fuck”
WASHINGTON — In a stunning upset to rumors that he was dying, if not already dead, Senator Mitch McConnell appeared in public today sporting an… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Man Who Lived Fast, Died Young Leaves Surprisingly Ugly Corpse
If Neutral Milk Hotel Is Such a Great Band, Why Is Their Rating on Tripadvisor So Low?
Their cult status and critically acclaimed albums have landed them at the top of lists curated by the likes of Pitchfork and Stereogum, but in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Classic Rock DJ Hastily Throws on ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida’ Before Unwrapping Burrito
ALTOONA, Pa. — Local radio DJ Danny “Mustang” McGibbon quickly pressed play on Iron Butterfly’s classic 17-minute-long rock song “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” before diving into his lunchtime… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Kerry King Inspires Man to Uselessly Fuck Around on Guitar for 40 Years
WESTMINSTER, Md. — Slayer guitarist Kerry King reportedly inspired local man Evan Tremont to uselessly fuck around on the guitar for the next four decades of his life, report concerned friends and family. “I’ve wanted to play guitar for years,…
Angine de Poitrine Ask Opener If They Have a Double-Necked Microtonal Guitar/Bass They Can Borrow After Gear Stolen
SEATTLE — French-Canadian experimental rock duo Angine de Poitrine scrambled to find replacements for their…
All-American Rejects Play Pop-Up Show During All-American Rejects Set
HAVERFORD, Pa. — The All-American Rejects played a surprise pop-up show during an All-American Rejects…
Drummer Accidentally Tosses Snare Into Crowd Instead of Sticks
BOULDER, Colo. — Zach Brinton, drummer of death metal band Putrefying Entrails, accidentally tossed his…
Imagine Dragons Tap the Wiggles and Raffi To Open on Upcoming Tour
LOS ANGELES — Imagine Dragons announced their upcoming nationwide tour would include supporting acts featuring…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…