LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local punk Corinne Reeves realized yesterday that, as the newest drummer for post-punk band Proletariat Pony, she bears an uncanny likeness to…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence unveiled a new outreach program to educate citizens surrounding the dangers of post-marital sex during a White House press…
When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I…
CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
CHICAGO — Polite and respectful punk Jimmy Arano “did the right thing” at a house party last weekend by slightly moving a small pile of…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Mathcore band The David Hilbert Filter Box has successfully converted the harsh 6.2 Pitchfork review of their debut EP into a…
SAN FRANCISCO — Greg Franken, local embarrassed and disappointed father, dropped off his son at some sort of nerd convention for a band named “Real…
JAKARTA, Indonesia — The uncontacted people of the Teriku tribe are the last-known living humans yet to hear of Banksy’s self-destructing painting stunt from earlier…
When our son Terry told us he was coming home from college for the weekend to “tell us something” my wife and I had a…
BOSTON — Raw Sex guitarist Steve Dyer hopes to land a “fucking awesome” photo of him playing at a show later this week to potentially…
“People turned against each other cannot turn against those responsible.” – DaShanne Stokes “That’s the thing about salted down possum, it’s just as good the…
MEDINA, Minn. – Julio Anderson tore a substantial hole in the crotch of his jeans early Thursday evening while skateboarding at a local park, amused…
Remember when Elon Musk smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast? Yeah you do, but BARELY. If you had to take even a moment to remember,…
AUCKLAND, N.Z. — Property developers demolishing iconic local venue the Queens Arms sold the impossibly sticky floor to an international flypaper manufacturer on Wednesday, as…
GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Straight edge hardcore vocalist Brody Meenan’s date last night came to an unceremonious end after several unsuccessful attempts to connect with…