Impending Civil War Delayed by 2026 Weird Al Tour
WASHINGTON — The imminent Civil War between the nation’s two political parties is reportedly delayed because of the 2026 Weird Al Yankovic tour, confirmed sources. “Look, I’m just your average leftist who loves accordion-based parodies a…
Why My Collection of Old Slayer Shirts Is Better Than a Roth IRA
Who needs conventional retirement planning? As the saying goes, if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life, and that’s… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Wildly Popular Travel Agency Makes Plans and Then Cancels Them
House Democrats Release Video Singing ‘Imagine’ Together
WASHINGTON — A contingency of Democrats from the House of Representatives finally took a stand against the rise fascism by posting a clip of them… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Fox News Reports the Strait of Hormuz Is Blocked by Trans Swimmers
NEW YORK — American multinational conservative news channel Fox News has reported that the Strait of Hormuz, the oil trading artery linking the Persian Gulf… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Tesla Hides Drive Mode Behind Subscription Paywall
We Sat Down With Future Supreme Court Justice Kid Rock
It’s almost a certainty that, given our current societal trajectory, musician turned presidential confidante Robert James “Kid Rock” Ritchie will become a Supreme Court Justice… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
CDC Announces Final Eradication of Bieber Fever
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced the final eradication of the Bieber Fever outbreak, confirmed sources. “It’s been almost 16 years since this outbreak and if you think it wasn’t an active effort, you’d be sorely…
Bruce Springsteen Hires Guitarist To Play Anytime He Starts Telling a Story
PRINCETON, N.J. — Shore-rock legend Bruce Springsteen confirmed rumors Thursday that he’s keeping guitarist Ray…
38-Year-Old Punk Excited To Check Out This Band ‘Perimenopause’ That’s Been All Over Her Algorithm
LOS ANGELES — Local 38-year-old punk Nicole Crane is very excited to check out the…
Stupid Piece of Shit Band Only Able To Muster One Global Chart-Topping Hit
TAMPA, Fla. — Local piece of shit band The Fallen Embers were unabashedly ashamed after…
Hardcore Band Preemptively Starts GoFundMe To Get Ahead of Inevitable Van Accident
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local hardcore outfit Prayer Grave started a preemptive GoFundMe to pay for…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…