A new documentary is alleging that actor-musician Jared Leto has engaged in a disturbing pattern of grooming and sexually assaulting teenage girls for over two full decades. However, the leading man is pushing back on these claims after revealing that his years-long penchant for molestation and harassment has merely been research for his next role as famous pedophile Jared Leto.
The biopic, tentatively titled Ugh, This Fucking Guy!?, chronicles the troubled actor’s rise from MTV heartthrob on My So-Called Life to winning Oscars and playing arenas with his alternative rock band 30 Seconds to Mars, all while managing to text pictures of his genitals to teenage girls across the world.
Leto, a self-proclaimed “method actor”, tirelessly pestered underage girls for years in an attempt to find the character’s true voice, which as it turns out is that of a pedophile.
“I take my work very seriously,” Leto told us while masturbating to an episode of iCarly. “Getting into the sick and twisted mind of Jared Leto has not been pretty, but true acting rarely is.”
Such dedication to his craft is not only impressive but also confusing because he is Jared Leto. Upon seeking further clarification, he responded, “Yes, it really does feel like I am him sometimes. I’ve been embodying this character for so long it honestly can be difficult to know where Jared Leto ends and Jared Leto begins.”
From what we can understand, it’s basically like a rapier chicken-or-egg kind of thing. According to Leto, the autobiographical role was simply something the actor was born to play, a fact he recognized instantly upon living the script for the first time. So when it came time to FedEx a used condom to a random 15-year-old fan of his band, it felt incredibly natural and relatable to him.
Wait…what?
When asked for further clarification, Leto responded, “The only thing I’m guilty of is getting lost in my own work. But you know, if flashing my butthole to an all-girls JV cross country team wins me another Oscar, no one will be complaining.”
At press time, sources close to Shia LaBeouf have confirmed the actor is crestfallen since losing the role of Jared Leto to Jared Leto.
