TUCSON — Local Man Steven Barnes threw away the progress of nine full years of therapy to pursue a brief shot at sweet revenge against…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local werewolf Steve Callahan was under fire today after an unexpected transformation left his wolf form trapped in a hot car, concerned…
LOS ANGELES — A K9 unit dog was commended during training today after he successfully shut his body cam off before tearing his squeaky toy…
MONTREAL — The lead vocalist of longtime post-rock instrumental band Godspeed You! Black Emperor was reportedly mortified today after learning that his microphone had been…
HADDONFIELD, Ill. — The National Rifle Association rushed to Michael Myers’ defense today after the famed “Halloween” slasher started killing his victims with an AR-15…
FOLSOM, Calif. — Country singer Carlson Swagger brought his cowboy bootlickin’ brand of lawful country music to Folsom Prison today where he performed only for…
AMARILLO, Texas — Right wing ska band ‘The Outska Josey Wales’ announced their new political message at a recent show after unveiling a ‘thin checkered…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Struggling ska band ‘The Skadventures of Tromb Sawyer’ is reportedly taking the saying ‘sing like no one is listening, dance like no…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Local dad Martin Daniels was left confused today after realizing a Kidz Bop ska album he purchased for his kids sounded…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Protectors of the Rhino XXL Male Enhancement Pills recipe have reportedly been prohibited from traveling together in case disaster befell the two…
HOUSTON — Stranded Boeing Starliner astronauts are considering themselves lucky as a delay pushed their return back to February 2025, therefore continuing to trap them…
JEROME, Ariz. — Workers at Maynard James Keenan’s Caduceus Cellars were reportedly debating what to do with pallets of unsold “Stinkfist Chardonnay” after the Tool…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A pro-Palestine march has reportedly changed courses today after it turned back around to begin a new protest condemning the latest IDF…
BANGOR, Maine — The Ghost of Downing Manor was reportedly feeling pressure to be “on” and haunt the family that just moved into his house…
NEW YORK — Independent Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reminded voters that he also keeps a monkey with a gun next to his bed…