WASHINGTON — ICE unveiled a new recruitment ad today that was just Saliva’s “Click, Click, Boom” playing at an insanely loud volume over a video…
WASHINGTON — Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dismissed a potential smallpox outbreak today by telling HHS staffers not to bother him until it’s a…
ITHACA, N.Y. — Elite private institution Bournestown University released a new campus brochure today touting the diversity of the college’s nearby prison, sources confirmed. “Here…
WASHINGTON — President Trump kicked off his birthday parade today with a 21-gun salute fired into a crowd of ‘No Kings’ protestors, sources confirmed. “The…
GREENVILLE, N.C. — Jimmy “Mr. Beast” Donaldson announced plans to expand his empire into the pharmaceutical market with new Plan B-eastables emergency contraceptive pills, sources…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance lashed out at working-class Americans today criticizing their inability to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and find an…
WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a cover of Woody Guthrie’s “This…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth delivered a special Memorial Day message to a covert unit of Marine operatives stationed at classified coordinates in…
TEL AVIV — The Israeli Defense Force defended their lethal bombing of a Gaza Children’s Hospital today by alleging that the kids inside were reincarnated…
As the secret proceedings of the Papal Conclave draw to a close, millions of people around the world are waiting with bated breath for the…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local 13-year-old Elliot Johnson was reportedly crossing his fingers today hoping that his dad would never come back after heading out for…
BOSTON — Mark Wahlberg sparked controversy after claiming that Elon Musk’s botched penis implant “wouldn’t have gone down like that” if he was the attending…
WASHINGTON — President Trump announced the creation of the new Federal Institute for Regulating Ethnonormality (FIRE) agency that would complement ICE by importing white foreigners…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Self-proclaimed MAGA Christian Cullen Monroe took a moment to remind himself of his core values today with a quick glance at his…
WASHINGTON — As a flurry of new US tariffs continued to shake the world economy, President Trump announced the only place unaffected by his new…