SOUTHPORT, N.C. — A veteran Southport slasher slash longshoreman is “beyond embarrassed” after botching the timeline in a series of threatening missives mailed to local…
You know what’s truly pathetic? The crowds of trust-fund influencers desperately trying to get a bartender’s attention, only to drop fifteen bucks (plus tip) on…
WASHINGTON — Experts at the Department of Education (DoE) have issued a dire warning that further cuts to their institution could result in even more…
Sleepytime Tea Bear Dies in House Fire After Once Again Falling Asleep, Leaving Fireplace Unattended
Sleepytime Tea Bear Dies in House Fire After Once Again Falling Asleep, Leaving Fireplace Unattended
SLEEPY HOLLOW, N.Y. — Beloved slumber icon Sleepytime Tea Bear reportedly died in an apparent house fire after falling asleep and leaving the fireplace unattended,…
Look, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of in this life. We all tell little white lies to get by, don’t we? Smile and…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine suggested starting a “supergroup” with Metallica members James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo, sources report. “I haven’t…
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Summarizer Google AI Overview self-destructed after a search for “2024 election Texas” returned an image of Ted Cruz wearing jeans at…
I’m a typical American. I like my THC-infused beverages cold, my mac-and-Cheetos burgers hot, and my government wielding its awesome power in obscene ways to…
MADISON, Wis. — Noticing the copious golden earwax covering your Eargasm concert earplugs, a depraved concertgoer at the Riff Palace Festival asked if you were…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local man Bart Carlsen is positive the $40 band tee he’s receiving in the mail today will turn his life around,…
It’s no secret that we live in an age of disinformation. For many years now America has been under the influence of a charismatic manipulator,…
MADISON, Wis. — Local loser Jim Perkins reportedly found his DUI from two beers kind of embarrassing, confirmed sources who recommended he not show his…
STOCKTON, Calif. — Local ICE agent Tony Stockton added wounded veteran plates to his Ford F150 after getting his feelings hurt in what he referred…
Local Dad Matt Fredricksen was recently busted for eating all the Uncrustables at his daughter Kayla’s 5th birthday. Naturally, Matt’s antics have left the people…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Suburban father Tyler Rainey expressed frustration over children’s lack of media literacy, despite firmly believing country singer Garth Brooks and his…