Did they cancel your band’s show this weekend because of the quarantine? Ah, stinker! And this was the one I was definitely, for sure planning…
LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline for well over an hour…
I got fired. Yeah, I admit it. I was fired BUT, I’m totally fine with it, ’cause that band sucked and I was gonna quit…
Dudes! Summer is right around the corner, which means one thing: Hot hardcore shows and even more hot girls in bikinis all over the dance…
Your Honor, take a look at this jury. When I arrived here for my trial, I was told the jury would be a selection of…
Cannibal Corpse is just as known for their provocative album covers as they are for their music. Due to our intense masochism, we ranked every…
By 2003, Metallica had released seven legendary albums and critics were already anointing them among the greatest metal bands of all time. Around that same…
OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test administered yesterday by a psychiatrist,…
Hey! Just wanted to pop in and express my apologies for not being able to come to your show the other day. I hope it…
CLEVELAND — Alleged metal band Gore God are under scrutiny from the worldwide heavy metal community today after it was discovered they don’t have a…
OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight Norwegian black metal fans, despite…
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal legends Mötley Crüe, preparing for an upcoming reunion tour, admitted today that they are excited to introduce their iconic catalogue…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Local woman and Three Days Grace Family Care Clinic patient Wendy Adair was instructed yesterday by her nü-metal doctor to open her…
DAVIS, Calif. — Heavy metal band Despised Torture performed a destructive and dangerous set yesterday at The Velvet Cow, leaving the venue in disarray despite…
WASHINGTON — Legendary metal band Gwar asked the staff of NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series if “they were ready to get their assholes ripped open”…