LOS ANGELES — Nü-metal darlings Limp Bizkit have worked with a local distillery to release their own exclusive, officially-licenced Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog-flavored vodka,…
I don’t like to brag, but I don’t think it’s too far off for me to say that I’m a better guitarist than about 99.99%…
Wow, that’s so incredibly gracious of you to reach out and share the carefully crafted demos you recorded in your friend’s basement while blackout drunk!…
LOS ANGELES — The holographic image of late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio has broken away from its original programming and is now working…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Viking metal band Fjord Destroyer took a local Chili’s restaurant by storm during the evening rush last night, utterly defiling multiple lovely…
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. — A seasoned and fatigued Rob Halford admitted today that after nearly five decades of donning inflexible studded leather outfits, he is…
SUGAR LAND, Texas — New homeowner and devoted metalhead Eric Bronson replaced the out-of-date shag carpet in his living room yesterday, installing a fresh layer…
ADDISON, Texas — Addison Fellowship Community Church parishioners are lamenting allowing local metal band Cryptic Martyr to use their sanctuary for the band’s new music…
CLEVELAND — Recently formed metal band Blood & Soil has forgone music as its first public release, instead issuing formal remarks apologizing for every band…
Holy shit am I the next Kirk Hammett? No, I can’t shred on the guitar and my hair is less “rock God” and more “birds…
DENTON, Texas — Children’s literature icon Waldo was found yesterday within a local black metal band logo after nearly 30 minutes of attempting to understand…
WASHINGTON — Trapt frontman Chris Taylor Brown issued an enthusiastic “start and persist” letter yesterday urging President Donald Trump to play the band’s lone hit…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow truck operator who hauled Burke’s…
Being locked down in my apartment for the past few months has given me time to reflect on life and how I spend mine. This…
As I finally finish putting my one-year-old son to bed, I retire to the porch to smoke tobacco from a long pipe. I ponder war,…