SANDUSKY, Ohio — Cedar Point amusement park guests observed Cure frontman Robert Smith exiting the Millenium Force roller coaster with a head of hair that…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to counteract rumors of the President’s declining physical prowess, the Biden campaign is set to release an awe-inspiring…
COWARD, S.C. — Touring goth band Need Help Again With Ghoul, reportedly changed their entire world perspective of gloomy unenthusiasm after enjoying some fun in…
SAN DIEGO — The Nine Inch Nails merch table was once again sold out of medium-sized mesh tank tops within 25 minutes of doors opening,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Eric Halverson was relieved to see his new goth girlfriend and his conservative father bond over their shared love of…
DETROIT – Robert Smith, founder and only original member of The Cure, announced dates for an upcoming North American Tour that will also coincide with…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local goth Alex Stemens enthusiastically fist pumped a nearby hearse in hopes they would blow their giant air horn, several chalky white-faced…
EUGENE, Ore. – A shocking new study from the University of Oregon revealed that 84% of individuals born in America after 1998 have never been…
CRAWLEY, West Sussex — Goth rock giants the Cure reissued their seminal 1989 album “Disintegration” in a deluxe box set complete with bonus outtakes, live…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Goth and frequent cemetery visitor Madison Gardiner had her day ruined by a “comically loud” grieving family saying a last farewell to…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Sullen members of goth-rock band Vacant Belfry are reportedly embarrassed with their new guitarist’s proclivity for perpetually donning a big floppy…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local goth Matilda Flowers spent the afternoon wistfully staring at a pair of crows eating a pile of Funyuns next to a dumpster…
LOS ANGELES — Representatives from Neutrogena announced they finally perfected a formula strong enough to be certified as “Goth-Strength” by the FDA just in time…
LOS ANGELES — A new clothing line known as Claw promotes itself as the first luxury brand specifically tailored for the goth market and sells…
These days, few people are truly doing “okay.” Between unemployment, a global pandemic, and a tanking economy, it’s hard to simply feel “fine” anymore. So…