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Goth in Happy Relationship Considers Gray Sweater

CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski reportedly may add a light gray sweater to her otherwise black wardrobe, potentially due to her fulfilling relationship,…

Goth Finishes Third Lint Roller This Week

CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski used an entire three-pack of lint rollers in just five days, according to sources within the macabre woman’s…

Post-Breakup Goth Displays No Change Whatsoever

CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski is exhibiting “incredibly dark, morose, and in no way different” behavior than prior to a recent breakup with…

Perfect Band Name Ruined By Band’s Music

LOS ANGELES — Concertgoers at the Lovecraft Bar experienced complete, crushing disappointment late last night, when they heard potentially awesome metal band Evisceratops play a…