Oh, You Like the Ramones? Name Three Chords
So you think you’re a Ramones fan, eh? Well, your hair does look like it was cut with a bowl,…
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Zack Zagranis
18 stories found
Republican Jesus Turns Squirt Guns Into AR-15s
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Florida man Buck Swanson, who some have dubbed Republican Jesus, astonished the guests at his cousin's…
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Epstein Suicide Note Oddly Resembles Courtney Love’s Handwriting
SEATTLE — A Federal judge recently released the alleged suicide note of Jeffrey Epstein, prompting a handwriting analyst from Seattle,…
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‘Star Wars’ Fans Rejoice as George Lucas Continues to Keep His Opinion of Trans People to Himself
LOS ANGELES — “Star Wars” fans are expressing their joy over franchise creator George Lucas’s decision to continue his longstanding…
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Ice Agent Tries to Deport His Doctor During Open Heart Surgery
MINNEAPOLIS — An ICE agent being treated at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis recently attempted to deport the doctor performing…
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Several ICE Agents Horribly Disemboweled During Attempt to Deport GWAR Back to Scumdoggia
RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit,…
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My Top Five Favorite Techno Songs and Why They’re All the Mortal Kombat Theme Song
Most techno music to me sounds like someone force-feeding a crushed-up mixture of crystal meth and ecstasy to an NES,…
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Help! I’ve Been Begging Hall & Oates To Take My Kiss off Their List for Decades, but They Refuse
As you’re no doubt already aware, Hall & Oates just released their annual Best Things in Life list, and what…
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Limp Bizkit Fan Figures Out Exact Day in 1998 That Fred Durst Was Singing About in “Break Stuff”
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Limp Bizkit superfan Dylan “Chuds” McKenzie pinpointed the exact day Fred Durst is referring to in the…
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Aging Punk Never Thought Taking a Handful of Pills Would Be the Most Boring Part of His Day
BOSTON — Middle-aged punk Mickey “Goatfucker” Sullivan never thought that swallowing several pills at once would be the most mundane…
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