So you think you’re a Ramones fan, eh? Well, your hair does look like it was cut with a bowl, and you are wearing a leather biker jacket without a bike. I guess that’s two points in your favor. But wait, how do I know you’re not just cosplaying Fred Durst cosplaying Marlon Brando from Limp Bizkit’s My Way video, and you just have a shitty barber? Nah, dude, you’re going to have to show me more proof than that if you want me to believe you’re really down with “Da Bruddahs.”
If you’re a Ramones fan, then what’s your favorite thing to sniff? Model glue? Industrial cleaning products? I’m a floorstripper guy myself. What? What do you mean you don’t huff? Pssh, I knew you weren’t a real Ramones fan.
Okay, fine, last chance. If you really like the Ramones, then name three chords. D chord? Heh, I bet you play that one a lot, wink, wink. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with beating on your brat now, and then, you know? It’s perfectly natural to give your pinhead the ol’ blitzkrieg bop. Everyone does it!
Alright, that’s one chord, gimme another one. A5? A power chord, yes! Now we’re getting somewhere! That’s the kind of chord you play on a cheap surf guitar using only downstrokes, a real Ramones chord.
All right, come on, just one more, and you’ll have enough to write a song. What do you mean, there are plenty of two-chord songs? Name one! Eleanor Rigby and Paperback Writer? Whoop-de-freakin’-do! That’s great for a shit band like The Beatles, but we’re talking about the Ramones here, a highly sophisticated musical juggernaut. You can’t compose songs like “I Don’t Want to Walk Around With You,” or “I Don’t Wanna Be Learned / I Don’t Wanna Be Tamed,” with only two chords. Actually, I’m not 100% sure about that last one; I’ll have to Google it later.
Well, I’m waiting. C-sharp minor 7th? I fucking knew it, you ain’t a Ramones fan! I bet that’s a vegan leather jacket too, isn’t it? Get the hell outta here, ya poser, before I beat your ass with a sawed-off pool cue! And take your minor chords with you!
