LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep last night, sources close to…
MUNICH — Luxury car manufacturer BMW will finally implement turn signals in all of their vehicles by 2022, according to a press release sent out…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local good boy Valentino was disgusted and appalled last week after an afternoon at his favorite brewery was ruined, thanks to constant harassment…
RIDGEWOOD, N.J. — After hours of mediation, divorcing couple David and Sophie Keller have finally found middle ground as they have agreed to share joint…
CHICAGO — An Avis car rental in Lincoln Park is trying to send the federal government a $50 cleaning bill today to remove the blood…
The shower is one of the last refuges in modern society. Only within that 2×4 foot space can you shut out the worries of the…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced today that his state has won a federal contract to become the nation’s largest mass grave, thanks…
LOS ANGELES — Social media website MySpace announced today it will require their singular employee to work from home during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to…
MINNEAPOLIS — First time poker player Ryan Feldman is absolutely cleaning out his friends in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em, though he’s not sure…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Local eighth grader Steve McKenzie was confused and disillusioned last week when his first kiss at last night’s school dance did…
NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Denizens of the underworld are welcoming significant infrastructure improvements over the next few weeks as the newest arrival, billionaire David…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Popular local surf rock band Neutral Milk Hotel California is rumored to be playing a show tonight at a bar in…
LOS ANGELES — Punk legend and filmmaker Glenn Danzig’s debut horror film “Verotika” will be available exclusively on Netflix later this month, with a direct-to-”Mystery…
NEW YORK — Inventor and former Weezer fan Dr. Stanley Tankowitz successfully time travelled last week to September 10, 2001, to warn Americans that Weezer…
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019 gold medal in mental gymnastics,…
