THE AFTERLIFE — In what has been described as an administrative error of celestial proportions, the Grim Reaper has erroneously sent deceased Optimus Prime voice actor Peter Cullen to Planet Trannsexual, while actor Tim Curry was sent to Planet Cybertron, heavenly bodies have confirmed.
“I told Death a thousand times to cross-check his damn list before shuffling Peter and Tim to the afterlife, but no, apparently that’s too difficult. You should’ve seen my face when a message from Planet Trannsexual reached out about a 30-foot-tall robot truck man arriving at the castle gates, because I knew that could only mean Tim Curry was left camping it up for ambivalent Autobots on Cybertron with nothing but lingerie and sardonic wit,” said St. Peter. “Now we’re going to have to redo all the cross-dimensional paperwork, which takes at least two millennia, so I hope Death is ready for retraining because he clearly didn’t watch Clue and the Transformer films as I asked him to ahead of this.”
“Oh shit, oh fuck, not again. All the pressure from the whole planet asking me to take the Epstein abusers has my bones all mixed up. I’m already in deep shit over the whole Dolly incident and now this. I mean, they’re both beloved actors of Gen X who were most famous for their work in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and their last names begin with ‘C’; anyone would get them confused, right?” said the visibly panicking angel of death. “I know it wasn’t their preferred destinations, but maybe they can make the best of it! I vividly remember Tim being in Transformers: Rescue Bots, and Transsexual is pretty open about having unexpected guests! Oh hell, I’m fired, aren’t I?”
As of press time, Death attempted to rectify the situation by recovering the souls of Cullen and Curry, sending them both to live in the Muppet Treasure Island universe, and calling it a day.
