LOS ANGELES — Imagine Dragons announced their upcoming nationwide tour would include supporting acts featuring the Wiggles and legendary children’s singer Raffi, tour management has confirmed.
“We just wanted an authentic, epic experience for our fanbase, and we thought of no better opening acts than the Wiggles and Raffi. Honestly we’ve wanted to do a tour like this ever since we opened for ‘Sesame Street Live’ early in our career. It feels like we’ve come full circle,” said lead singer Dan Reynolds. “I don’t want to give away too many surprises about their participation, but let’s just say you might see us all on stage during the encore for ‘Believer’ and a new song we’ve been working on about brushing your teeth.”
Legendary children’s singer Raffi was looking forward to touring again, albeit with a few reservations.
“The members of the Wiggles and I mulled it over before accepting the offer, because frankly we could just go on tour ourselves and make just as much money. But when’s the next time I’ll be able to play ‘Banana Phone’ in front of 20,000 people?” said Raffi. “Not going to lie, I thought Imagine Dragons just made commercials but it turns out we have the exact same fan demographic. They are supposed to be making songs for preschoolers, right? I hope they don’t think the Wiggles and I are going to be all buddy-buddy with them, because at the end of the day these guys aren’t even close to being in our league.”
Imagine Dragons’ tour manager Brad Lorenzo was just glad he found someone to open.
“Thank the fucking lord they signed on to open. The Danny Go! folks laughed and hung up on me, and Christian Jacobs from Aquabats flat out told me Imagine Dragons was too immature, whatever that means,” said Lorenzo. “You have no idea how hard it is to book an arena tour where alcohol sales are going to be non-existent, so I’m hedging my bets on the legacy of Wiggles and Raffi to join to get these seats filled. Let’s just hope the marketing team’s plan to give away discounted tickets at Gymboree pays off.”
As of press time, the tour has been postponed after Raffi refused to work with Reynolds after his claim Imagine Dragons was bigger than Sharon, Lois, and Bram.
