AUSTIN, Texas — Local 22-year-old religious conservative Blake Howard revealed to a group of friends that he believed life began at “butt stuff,” sources who…
SOUTH HADLEY, Mass. — Freebird Rock n’ Roll Camp counselor Shea Dowd was thrilled to gather his campers around the fire to tell a rock…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local 39-year-old Jillian Rhodes was startled this afternoon after learning that her friend from high school Jordan Hansley is now old, Rhodes’…
INDIANAPOLIS — Allegedly touring pop punk band Deaf Hippos is really blurring the line between actively playing shows outside their hometown and not having a…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local crust punk Ben “Diggz” Cooper asserts that the steady drip of a window-mounted air conditioner he stood under for 15 seconds…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Sophomore Cinema and Media Studies power couple Rumi Saito and Kyle Reynolds are having difficulty selecting a dogshit film they will spend…
FORT MEYERS, Fla. — Conservative advocacy group Bring Back America’s Heroes petitioned Marvel to update their roster of heroes with a character who is openly…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — 39-year-old punk Terry “Scratch” Palmer’s job hunt continued to flounder due to his resume’s sparse experience section, which consists only of…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A study at the University of Rochester concluded that a staggering 83% of all traffic accidents are directly related to drivers attempting…
PALM BEACH, Fla. –The Federal Bureau of Investigation recovered stacks of highly-classified nuclear weapons documents with “Hillary Clinton” written in childlike scrawls on them from…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local man and Frank’s Pizzeria regular Alex Davidson shocked staff and fellow regulars alike by ordering cauliflower crust pizza, which those close…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — FBI Agent David Abramson revealed he was able to gain access to former President Donald Trump’s safe first try by using…
MEDFORD, Ore. — First-time slasher film viewer Anthony Sallers insisted that the movie not be unpaused until his friend Stephanie Gorski gives a definitive answer…
ST. PAUL — Local woman Nicole Black converted her Novation SL61 MkIII MIDI Controller, originally purchased as a beginner instrument for music production, into a…
GRANVILLE, Ohio — Pop punk band Silver Glitter’s weeknight rehearsal was cut short when the drummer’s older brother hooked up a Nintendo 64 in the…