DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn’t already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to get out of last year’s…
WEYMOUTH, Mass. — The guest list of an annual Friendsgiving celebration, truncated this year due to COVID-19 mandates, has shown excluded members their exact status…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local basement party host and neurotic mess Eloise Krantz destroyed everything in her path Saturday night while trying to fix her broken…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this morning instead of the Coors…
PHILADELPHIA — Recent transplant Eric Bromley’s ill-fated attempt to meet new people outside of a punk show escalated into a full-blown fist fight within minutes,…
VOORHEES, N.J. — Local grandmother and World War 2 hero Dorothy Schuler was asked yesterday by her grandson Darin Roche to apply her code breaking…
NAPA, Calif. — Local woman Amanda Perez believes that, for the first time in her life, she most likely has a decent shot with actor…
LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep last night, sources close to…
CHICAGO — Local hair stylist Anna Yun’s carefully budgeted plans for the month were derailed again yesterday by her Amazon Prime membership’s automatic renewal, marking…
SEATTLE — Method actor Chrstian Bale is preparing to star in a biopic based on famed Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s life by learning to sing…
PHILADELPHIA — Local resident Daniel Mayfield is now in his 10th consecutive year of waiting to be in a good enough state-of-mind to try LSD,…
MUNICH — Luxury car manufacturer BMW will finally implement turn signals in all of their vehicles by 2022, according to a press release sent out…
LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls, Girls, Girls” after over 30…
SAN DIEGO ー Male coworkers of local woman Cleo Thomas discovered yesterday that months of her small talk and general human decency amounted to “nothing”…