MINNEAPOLIS — Former police officer and now-convicted murderer, Derek Chauvin, is reportedly upset that the most sacred day on his calendar, Hitler’s birthday, is tarnished…
AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Your Grandpa, a lifelong stoner and de facto family historian, fondly recalled a time when you were “only this high,” you…
AMSTERDAM — Festive spirits are high in Holland today as the nation celebrates Fourten Twitzen, their version of 4/20 day, where children who refuse to…
ENCINO, Calif. — Local punk and cannabis enjoyer Lulu Alazraqui will almost certainly not take her first 4/20 bong rip any earlier than 4:27pm PST,…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers across the country are upgrading their tires to near military-grade 4/20 models for the upcoming cannabis-themed day…
ORLANDO — Peter Hannah, creator of the classic Nickelodeon series “CatDog,” announced last week that Cat is in fact the one who pisses and shits…
DOVER, Del. — A local townie and currently wasted-off-his-ass scallop is rambling on about the time his rubbery body was hurled across the room by…
INDIANAPOLIS — Tempers flared earlier this week as members of recently broken-up metal band, Corpse Wax, quarreled over possession of a twenty-foot-tall animatronic goat demon…
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local law enforcement veteran Sergeant David Maddison drew praise from fellow officers for deftly concealing his identity to evade community criticism and…
Regardless of your relationship status, the past year of quarantine and lockdown has certainly put added stress on everyone’s love life. It took my partner…
JIM THORPE, Penn. — Craigslist user Hampton Bellamy sold a badly damaged and completely non-functional Kustom amplifier yesterday after listing it on the website “as…
NEW YORK ⏤ Recently debuted African American muppet Elijah Walker was fatally shot by Sesame Street police after officers mistakenly identified the number seven being…
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — A recent study of your entire friend group came to the unimpeachable conclusion that Daniel Jordan, the biggest fuck up you…
LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a…
WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following backlash from supporters frustrated by…