CLEVELAND — Local woman and total poser Brandi Herrera could not recall her moon sign yesterday when asked, despite her identifying as a lesbian, according…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local woman Connie Walters is fed up with all of her friends constantly asking for financial advice, based solely on the…
SEATTLE — Local dishwasher Freddie Young is frustrated by his inability to find an artist willing to tattoo Death Grips lyrics anywhere on his body,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming that he was running away…
DANVERS, Wash. — A beloved biscuits and gravy recipe, made famous by the local Triple Five restaurant, is allegedly an exact copy of the one…
ATHENS, Ga. — Record store clerk Jimmy Taylor, well-liked by customers for his attentiveness, knowledge of music, and generally affable nature, was fired yesterday by…
RALEIGH, N.C. — A shirtless Senator Bernie Sanders stepped into the UFC Octagon vowing to take on all comers during a media workout ahead of…
CONCORD, Calif. — Local punk couple James Paulson and Maria Overholt admitted last night in front of friends and family that although they are proud…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Local woman and “legitimate fucking moron who acts like she’s better than everyone all of a sudden” Wendy Montoya allegedly enacted some…
Now more than ever we need representation in media, especially in the female cartoon goth department. Women in cartoons are typically shown as subordinates to…
ALTOONA, Pa. — Anthony Spengler, the drummer for the hardcore band Unabashed, cleared off half of the band’s usual merch of T-shirts, buttons, and barely…
PEARL CITY, Hawaii — Local bus driver for the city of Honolulu Keoni “Green Bottles” Karns updated his apparent hit list earlier today of passengers…
LOS ANGELES — Popular rock band Imagine Dragons announced today that they scrapped their upcoming album “Explosion” when they realized none of the tracks could…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local woman Tabitha Wicksham is “not at all worried” about her husband sleeping with groupies during his cover band’s upcoming tour, citing…
Prepare to be inspired, kinda. Yeah, mostly. Prepare to have your mind blown by this story of courage, tenacity, and mediocre outcomes. It’s still a…
