DAYTON, Ohio — Wise punk elder Jerry “Solly” Solowicki was asked to mediate this week between two bands that each claimed ownership of one of…
AURORA, Ill. — Soon-to-be 36-year-old white man James Brady is spending his last days in the 18-to-35 consumer demographic saying a final goodbye to being…
Oh ho ho, would you look at this shit. Looks like somebody got a beer belly over the years. Somebody who used to judge me…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local punk Corinne Reeves realized yesterday that, as the newest drummer for post-punk band Proletariat Pony, she bears an uncanny likeness to…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence unveiled a new outreach program to educate citizens surrounding the dangers of post-marital sex during a White House press…
When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I…
CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
In our never-ending quest to uplift and heal ourselves, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the different types of self-care that exist: from drinking…
CHICAGO — Polite and respectful punk Jimmy Arano “did the right thing” at a house party last weekend by slightly moving a small pile of…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Mathcore band The David Hilbert Filter Box has successfully converted the harsh 6.2 Pitchfork review of their debut EP into a…
JAKARTA, Indonesia — The uncontacted people of the Teriku tribe are the last-known living humans yet to hear of Banksy’s self-destructing painting stunt from earlier…
BOSTON — Raw Sex guitarist Steve Dyer hopes to land a “fucking awesome” photo of him playing at a show later this week to potentially…
MEDINA, Minn. – Julio Anderson tore a substantial hole in the crotch of his jeans early Thursday evening while skateboarding at a local park, amused…
Remember when Elon Musk smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast? Yeah you do, but BARELY. If you had to take even a moment to remember,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Self-described horror nerd Jackie Pagán will celebrate the Halloween season with a month-long news intake marathon, empathetic onlookers confirmed. “I used to…