We live in a fatist culture. Whether it is magazine covers showing impossibly thin bodies, discrimination on dating websites, or people looking at me in…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local mother and hi-fi aficionado Peggy Lowell had a multitude of criticisms regarding her son’s tone following a family spat on Sunday…
NORMAL, Ill. — The recent crackdown on plastic straws across the U.S. has led to a surge in 3D printed drinking paraphernalia, according to a…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Beastie Boys devotees and dedicated couple John Patterson and Alyssa Tully allegedly finish each other’s sentences when communicating between themselves and anyone…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your leadership skills will be of use this week, Aries. Tell your frontman that you guys are playing the song you…
GILMAN HOT SPRINGS, Calif. — Every single member of the Church of Scientology were found last week to be undercover documentary filmmakers who only joined…
WAYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at…
MILWAUKEE — Iconic motorcycle manufacturer Harley-Davidson held a press conference this morning, announcing plans to build fixed gear motorcycles to gain favor with a new,…
We live in a progressive time. The days of mediocre white men dominating the media are coming to an end. As a straight white male…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon told himself this morning that the insect he caught crawling across his bed, and that is “definitely responsible”…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon has officially decided he’ll “give it a few days” before telling his roommates about the weird bites found…
ABINGTON, Mass. — The 14 punks that make up the entire DIY music scene of their suburban town are reportedly relieved to soon be done…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Due to newly implemented postal regulations, we cannot deliver your horoscope this week, Aries. Check for a slip in your mailbox…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local pop punk band Red Nose, which features nine musicians who all dress as clowns with intricate circus-based backstories, were reportedly dismayed…