L’Oreal to Only Test Makeup on the Ugly Rabbits That Need It

CLICHY, France — Cosmetics giant L’Oreal revealed that it will begin testing its makeup on only the hideous rabbits that need it, describing it as a more humane and results-oriented approach to their product development, sources confirmed.

“When a rabbit is already conventionally attractive, there’s simply less value in applying mascara or foundation,” said L’Oreal spokesperson Camille Durand. “By focusing on the rabbits that are, frankly, a bit harder to look at, we can better demonstrate the transformative power of our products and give those animals an opportunity to see meaningful improvement to their otherwise undesirable appearance. This approach allows us to clearly see the before-and-after results while maximizing the visual impact of each application. We believe this is the most ethical and practical way to approach cosmetic testing, and we hope other manufacturers will follow suit.”

Animal activists praised the policy as a step forward in reducing unnecessary harm.

“Historically, the public safety testing process for cosmetic supplies has been needlessly arbitrary and inhumane for the good-looking rabbits,” said animal welfare advocate Denise Harper.” When giant corporations are performing these cosmetic tests on a massive scale, it simply makes sense to prioritize the uglier, more homely rabbits who need to look better, where it actually serves a purpose, instead of putting already beautiful animals through procedures that do not benefit anyone. For too long, smoke show animals have been the focus, while the ones who desperately need help are ignored. This policy finally recognizes that these animals are deserving of love and compassion, even though they are unsightly.”

Animal scientists noted this new business practice aligns with the fundamental goals of cosmetic application.

“Targeting rabbits that clearly need the help is both logical and efficient,” explained animal behavior researcher Dr. Elliot Vaughn. “Cosmetics are designed to improve appearance, so testing them on attractive subjects doesn’t measurably improve the well-being of the animal. Focusing on the less hot mammals mirrors how these products are intended to function in real-world scenarios. In controlled studies, we’ve seen improvements in social engagement, reduced stress behaviors, increased social acceptance and group integration, and they objectively look sexier.”

At press time, L’Oreal confirmed it had also begun testing whether putting lipstick on pigs made them any more fuckable.