PORTLAND, Ore. — Prospective job candidate Colin Hartnell artfully tucked his lustrous rattail beneath his shirt collar before his first interview at Fred Meyers, a major Pacific Northwest grocery chain’s corporate offices, effectively concealing what he considers to be a “key part of his look” in hopes of securing the position, confirmed sources.
“A job’s a serious thing that requires a serious hairstyle. You want to look presentable whenever you’re going out for one,” said Hartnell. “But a core element of presentation is the hiding of unsightly elements of your person that, say, the more ‘buttoned up’ corporate types might frown upon. That’s why my r-tail goes inside the collar whenever I get an interview. It’s been with me for the past nine years, despite it being kryptonite for steady employment.”
Hiring manager Jackie Lewis noted that the company doesn’t explicitly ban rattails, but they are frowned upon.
“I could see that rattail the moment he walked in,” said Lewis. “I think he thought he was being subtle, sneaking it into his collar like that, but that thing’s thick. It looked like he was smuggling a Pringles tube on the back of his neck. The button on his collar looked like it was about to shoot off like a champagne cork. The interview went alright, but I’m not confident he’ll move ahead.”
The rattail’s long been a symbol of punk and alt communities, a sort of scummy sibling to the more dressy ponytail.
“A rattail’s tricky to pull off,” said Portland-based stylist Percy DeAngelo. “It suggests the person who has it is behind on paying child support and ready to fight you about it. If you don’t mind those connotations, then great, grow that little vermin lock to your heart’s content. But if you’re, say, looking to receive a paycheck for services rendered, it’s best to either get rid of it entirely or hide the thing.”
At press time, Hartnell was seen fanning the rattail around his neck to reduce the collar strain, giving him an arguably worse look that’s unlikely to help him through a second interview.
