PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Bass player Gwendolyn Armstead of local punk band Jazz Hand Jobs left her own set at the 89 North venue early in…
MONTREAL — Canadian pop punk musician and overall good dude Jeremiah Dean released a public apology yesterday despite not being accused of any unacceptable behavior…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
After years of careful research, it appears we are finally getting closer to identifying which member of Blink-182 wrote the song “Aliens Exist.” You know,…
Where are my manners? I mean, it’s not every day you get your own intervention with this many people. I didn’t think we would ever…
SEATTLE — Local homebody Jenny Wellmeyer experienced generalized anxiety due to the overwhelming pressure to go do something outside while the weather was absolutely gorgeous,…
Let’s be honest, making new friends after the age of 22 is nearly impossible. I would know. I haven’t made a single new one since…
LOS ANGELES — Local therapist Dr. Dana Therenspoon gave their patient exactly one month to live during a routine check-in, after months of increasingly lame…
I’d like to apologize to every single person who attended my surprise intervention. Had I known it was happening I would’ve brought a 30-pack and…
Astrology is pretty much the only thing on everyone’s mind nowadays. Unfortunately everyone kind of just gives in to the zodiac hand they’ve been dealt…
SEATTLE — Highly sought-after emotional support golden retriever Dr. Buttons Wigglesworth was reportedly not accepting new patients due to unusually high demand for her services,…
Depression is brutal. Many of us try to fight it by exercising, meditating, or even going to extreme measures like eating a vegetable. But as…
Let’s face it. Complaining online about new Weezer material is just part of the human experience. It usually occurs between early and middle adulthood, according…
I despise popular music. I frequently make it known that I exclusively listen to bands that are so obscure, they aren’t even on Spotify or…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Local band and 1996 American Music Awards “Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist” nominee Hootie and the Blowfish released a statement yesterday identifying the…