LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings ordered two more weeks of nationwide quarantine to give subscribers a chance to rewatch and “fully wrap…
Your 20s are hands down the most difficult decade of your life. I would know as someone who just turned 30 and am now looking…
LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline for well over an hour…
DENVER — Local police apprehended miscreant Max Yelban last night for mischievously shouting “Arcade Fire” in a crowded theater and causing a panicked frenzy among…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local punk Gary Trentson is recycling his New Year’s resolution for Lent this year after failing miserably on his initial attempt back…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a public statement today, imploring Bernie Sanders supporters, pejoratively referred to as “Bernie Bros,” to refrain from participating…
Mark my words. If Donald Trump loses the 2020 presidential election I am moving to the only other place that comes to mind when I…
Abs: Everyone wants them. No one’s got them. Except yours truly. In today’s world, there just aren’t many people willing to put in the hard…
CINCINNATI — Local singer Troy Nickelson of shoegaze band Neon Leggings sat back and watched yesterday as his bandmates moved all of his belongings to…
LOS ANGELES — Inclusive frat guy Dylan Sargosta bravely drew both vaginas and penises on passed out freshmen during Friday night’s party at University of…
HOUSTON — Registered Libertarian Dale Kramerson announced today that he will not be voting in the 2020 presidential election as an act of defiance and…
Being an entrepreneur is a mindset. Something you have to put out into the world every moment you can. I achieved my entrepreneurship status through…
As investigative journalists, we at The Hard Times aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions. Also, we know a guy who let us borrow his…
BALTIMORE — Local introvert Katie Pidacter quietly hoped yesterday that no one would remember her birthday this year, in order to avoid the looming pressure…
PHILADELPHIA — Friend-of-a-friend and uninvited Super Bowl party guest Bartholomew Youngblood just wants everyone to know that the word “football” means something entirely different to…
