Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that…
Read More →
Doug Kolic
126 stories found
Pope Leo Says No Place for Hate in World Except Towards White Sox Front Office
VATICAN CITY — His Holiness Pope Leo XIV proclaimed that hatred of any kind has no place in God’s Kingdom,…
Read More →
U.S. Treasury Announces Trump Money Doubles as Dude Wipes
WASHINGTON — In honor of the 250th anniversary of the United States, the Treasury Department announced that Donald Trump’s signature…
Read More →
Boss Who Doesn’t Pay You Enough Wonders Why You Don’t Travel More
SANDY SPRINGS, Ga. — A local marketing manager who pays his employees next to nothing was perplexed as to why…
Read More →
RFK Jr. Has Jeans Permanently Fused to Body
WASHINGTON — The United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that his favorite pair…
Read More →
Guy Wearing T-Shirt With Blazer Probably Some Kind of Cool Creative Genius
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — A local man who coupled a T-shirt with a blazer must be an absolute creative genius,…
Read More →
My Life is Just Like ‘Euphoria’ Except for All the Sex, Drugs, and Friends
I’ve heard of people getting their identities stolen, but what I just experienced takes it to a whole other level.…
Read More →
Nerd Alert: Man Quits Drinking Just Because Doctors, Family Beg Him To
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local 55-year-old nerd finally decided to heed the lame warnings of his beloved family and respected medical…
Read More →
Mark Zuckerberg Lingering Around Cubicles Until Someone Notices New Durag
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Tech CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly lingering around the Meta campus in the hopes someone will…
Read More →
Dive Bar Unveils Safe Haven Drop Box for Unwanted Bassists
YUMA, Ariz. — Local dive bar The Rusty Splinter announced a new program to accept discarded bassists in a more…
Read More →