Trump Threatens Cuba With US-Style Health Care
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump warned Cuba that if they didn’t immediately capitulate to all his demands, he would destroy…
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Doug Kolic — Page 2
126 stories found
Stupid Piece of Shit Band Only Able To Muster One Global Chart-Topping Hit
TAMPA, Fla. — Local piece of shit band The Fallen Embers were unabashedly ashamed after only ever creating one global…
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Realistic Hallmark Movie Addresses Affordability of Quaint Small Towns by Setting Meet-Cute at Plasma Clinic
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The Hallmark Channel announced a new meet-cute release that will be set in a sleepy New…
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Gen X Man Never Able to Match Childhood High of Finding Stack of Pornos in Woods
SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Local 48-year-old Matt Hull lamented the fact that he was never able to match the joy he…
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Ticketmaster Adds Extra Charge if Artists Play Their Hits
LOS ANGELES — Ticketmaster announced a new policy where they will charge customers an extra tax if their favorite acts…
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Fog Machine Successfully Obscures Bassist
BANGOR, Maine — Members of death metal band Rhino Sphincter expressed relief that the fog machine they rolled out during…
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Punk Cadaver Dog Keeping Skull
SELBYVILLE, Del. — A punk cadaver dog who was in the middle of searching for human remains from a historic…
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Pathetic Loser Thinks Son is His Best Friend
STILLWATER, Okla. — A pathetic local loser believes that he and his 11-year-old son are best friends, according to nearby…
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Help! I Let Jesus Take the Wheel and He Drove Us to a Ska Festival
I was never a very religious person until recently when my life of sin finally forced me to confront my…
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Useless Baby Didn’t Save Marriage
BRANSON, Mo. — A couple who recently welcomed the birth of a beautiful baby boy were inconsolable after it became…
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