SANDY SPRINGS, Ga. — A local marketing manager who pays his employees next to nothing was perplexed as to why they don’t take more vacations, according to nearby sources trying to leave the office on time in order to make it to their second jobs.
“This younger generation just doesn’t know how to have fun!” said 56-year-old Greg Lewis as he sauntered in from a two-hour lunch. “I’ve known Tyler for many years, and I don’t ever remember the guy going on any type of vacation. Not so much as a trip around the world or even a three-week sojourn to the Himalayas. It’s almost as if his age group just doesn’t have what my generation liked to call the ‘joie de vivre.’ I’m not sure if it’s all the harmful social media or addictive video games sapping their desire for adventure, but it’s really sad. I just wish there was something I could do.”
The overworked and underpaid Tyler Pierce described why he didn’t travel more.
“I can barely afford my rent each month, so the only vacation I get is when I’m dead asleep after another 16-hour day,” said Pierce as he popped an Adderall mid-shift. “Greg has never once given us a raise, so I’m not sure why he keeps saying he’s baffled that we don’t go on multiple vacations a year like he does. Whenever he comes back from globetrotting to yet another exotic destination, he forces us all into his office to look at the pictures, then makes one of us go through them and delete any duplicates. Saying we hate his guts is an understatement.”
Employment expert Brittney Cabela described the boss’s behavior as being part of a larger trend of employers being seemingly unaware that poverty exists.
“Bosses historically have no clue about the conditions their employees face,” Cabela stated. “They assume just because they inhabit the same physical office space that they must live relatively similar lives. They fail to see reality because their socio-economic bubble is just so vastly different, not to mention, and this is the real crux of the matter, that their heads are usually lodged so far up their own asses that they can’t see straight.”
At press time, the boss also wondered why his staff spends so much time bitching about public transportation when, according to Lewis, “Driving your own Range Rover to work is so much easier.”
