Rare Koala Absolute Fuck Machine
SAN DIEGO — A rare koala discovered at the San Diego Zoo defied its species' reputation for being sedentary and…
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Doug Kolic — Page 4
131 stories found
Arsonist Improves Cybertruck
MODESTO, Calif. — A local arsonist who torched a brand new Cybertruck as it sat on the lot of a…
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Dead Punk’s Scattered Ashes Poison Entire Ecosystem
OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison…
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Millennial’s Retirement Plan Hinges on Hitting Half-Court Shot at NBA Game
HOUSTON — A local 39-year-old Rockets fan’s entire financial future is dependent on hitting a promotional half-court shot worth $100,000,…
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Punk House Dog Tired of Being Blamed for Puke on Carpet
CALGARY, Alberta — A dog cohabitating with some local punks announced that he’s fed up with constantly being falsely accused…
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How I Finally Got the Courage To Build Myself up by Tearing Other People Down
Experts say taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why…
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Battle Rapper Shocked to Learn Mom Slept With So Many of His Competitors
ATLANTA — Local battle rapper Slim Todd Paulson was apparently surprised that so many of his opponents in a recent…
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Trump Instructs New Secretary of Education to Shut Down “Abbott Elementary”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump directed his soon-to-be Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, to immediately shut down the predominantly black…
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LA Fire Devastation Officially Reaches Bono Tribute Song Level
LOS ANGELES — U2 frontman Bono announced that the wildfires in California have devastated enough property and ruined a sufficient…
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Chrysler Building Admits It Would Have Been Nice to Have Been Thought of as Possible Target on 9/11
NEW YORK — The Chrysler Building was recently overheard complaining that it wasn’t one of the buildings targeted by terrorists…
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