Dead Punk’s Scattered Ashes Poison Entire Ecosystem
OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison…
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Doug Kolic — Page 4
129 stories found
Millennial’s Retirement Plan Hinges on Hitting Half-Court Shot at NBA Game
HOUSTON — A local 39-year-old Rockets fan’s entire financial future is dependent on hitting a promotional half-court shot worth $100,000,…
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Punk House Dog Tired of Being Blamed for Puke on Carpet
CALGARY, Alberta — A dog cohabitating with some local punks announced that he’s fed up with constantly being falsely accused…
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How I Finally Got the Courage To Build Myself up by Tearing Other People Down
Experts say taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why…
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Battle Rapper Shocked to Learn Mom Slept With So Many of His Competitors
ATLANTA — Local battle rapper Slim Todd Paulson was apparently surprised that so many of his opponents in a recent…
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Trump Instructs New Secretary of Education to Shut Down “Abbott Elementary”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump directed his soon-to-be Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, to immediately shut down the predominantly black…
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LA Fire Devastation Officially Reaches Bono Tribute Song Level
LOS ANGELES — U2 frontman Bono announced that the wildfires in California have devastated enough property and ruined a sufficient…
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Chrysler Building Admits It Would Have Been Nice to Have Been Thought of as Possible Target on 9/11
NEW YORK — The Chrysler Building was recently overheard complaining that it wasn’t one of the buildings targeted by terrorists…
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Questlove Wonders What He Must Have Done in Past Life to be Forced to Listen to Jimmy Fallon Every Night for Past 15 Years
NEW YORK — Ahmir K. Thompson, better known as Questlove from the band The Roots, recently questioned what kind of…
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Trump Most Excited to Return to Oval Office to See if Bucket of KFC He Stashed in Floorboards Still There
PALM BEACH, Fla. — The recently reelected Donald Trump announced that he was most excited to return to the White…
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