DUNMORE, Pa. — Local man Cameron Waters is in his sixth consecutive hour of sifting through various GIFs from “The Office,” searching for the perfect…
SACRAMENTO — Local woman Lena Wright was charged with resisting arrest yesterday for fighting back against the armed, plainclothes rapist and city employee who attempted…
We all remember Nirvana’s iconic album Nevermind, but often fail to pay tribute to all the babies that drowned to make the legendary cover. To…
AUSTIN, Texas — Punk musician Miles Finney is forgoing a descent into heroin addiction and skipping right ahead to being a sanctimonious, advice-giving vegan yogi,…
MINNEAPOLIS — Pop-punk band Suburban Angst called an emergency band meeting on Friday to discuss a potential plan to write a second hit after their…
MARION, Ill. — Local nurse Ginnie Strathmore assured her friend Katie Nguyen this morning that the hacked-up, DIY haircut she gave herself around 2:45 a.m.…
Conspiracy theories are more popular than ever, and their success can be boiled down to one basic ingredient: ominous, distorted bass notes mixed perfectly underneath…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow truck operator who hauled Burke’s…
LOS ANGELES — Former child star Mary-Kate Olsen recounted yesterday her experience meeting her doppelgänger and “Full House” co-star Ashley Olsen during the filming of…
NEWINGTON, Conn. — Diligently safety-conscious man James Sadler is staying vigilant about social distancing practices, unless his recent Tinder match is interested in going over…
At The Hard Times we feel it’s important to occasionally leave our comfort zone to seek out new places, cultures, and scenes. That’s why we…
SEATTLE — Local punk Kyle Treacher has entered his third year of trying to break in a pair of Doc Martens, struggling to stave off…
OUTLANDIA — Dastardly cartoon villain and sorcerer born of hellfire Kindfresser is still somehow completely P.C. despite his abhorrent, wicked nature, according to reports from…
TORONTO — Local well-known-for-having-a-beard guy Will Hoover has finally invested in a hat after being asked to shave for a family gathering, according to sources.…
MINNEAPOLIS — Members of the Minneapolis Police Department disbanded yesterday to focus on their individual violent side projects, citing creative differences within the force and…
