LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls, Girls, Girls” after over 30…
SAN DIEGO ー Male coworkers of local woman Cleo Thomas discovered yesterday that months of her small talk and general human decency amounted to “nothing”…
You’re at a show in some 20-something’s basement. You look to your left and see a bunch of young, hip zoomers using slang. You don’t…
PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only, during a recent virtual show,…
SEATTLE — Local man Brian Preston failed moments ago to covertly adjust his balls, accidentally drawing the attention of everyone within his eyesight, onlookers confirmed.…
CULVER CITY, Calif. — Former “Pimp My Ride” contestant and man currently living out of “the dopest Civic in SoCal” Russel Burns is begging the…
PHILADELPHIA — Protesters demanding an end to police brutality found themselves in an awkward situation today when they applauded riot police for mercilessly beating the…
Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward. Shit. How did I even…
SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of his jacket during a session…
When you first start developing an interest in a band with a long history and vast discography, it can be intimidating to know where to…
BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s habit of microwaving, gutting, and…
In the days following Donald Trump’s election loss droves of conservatives have left Facebook in favor of so-called “alternative” social media sites, with Parler quickly…
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted to sneak his own name…
I’m a dedicated father, husband, son, and, thank my lucky stars, I’m even still a grandson! Boy howdy, I love each and every member of…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Music fan Laura Kesrick’s insecurities were confirmed yesterday after discovering an alarming number of favorite albums in the dollar bin of local…
