WILMINGTON, Del. — Members of the band Temporary Joy were unaware that their perfectly soundproof practice space is also slowly killing them due to the…
INTERSTATE 95 — 19 hours into a 12-hour shift and trailing closely behind a jam-packed minivan, big-rig operator “Big” Pat Phillips found the perfect time…
DALLAS — Hardworking custodian Chuck O’Gallagher was interrupted while finishing his shift late last night by members of local punk band Wet Socks, who came…
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Local woman Eloise Mandeel called Guitar Center this morning in hopes that an employee would tell her the whereabouts of her…
SAN FRANCISCO — Formerly monogamous couple Corinne Pickett and Rob Laban have embraced a life of polyamory, opening up their relationship to help offset their…
Hey guy, take a fucking hint! The lady doesn’t wanna talk to you. I don’t care what she’s wearing. That doesn’t give you an excuse…
MEDFORD, N.Y. — Mathcore band A Murder Among Friends observed the biannual Daylight Saving Time rule today by reluctantly setting the time signatures back on…
MANCHESTER, N.H — Recently discovered journals belonging to the late GG Allin revealed surprising new details about the singer’s creative process, as well as the…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local vegan Jay Ortega openly wondered yesterday what the fuck he ever did to everybody after being ridiculed by an employee at…
AUSTIN, Texas — Former Democratic Presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke announced in a press conference today that he’ll use the remainder of his campaign funds to…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The deeply personal and profound meaning behind local man Trent Williams’ “actually not stupid or impulsive” tattoo has once again changed,…
BALTIMORE — A new study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed that the mysterious glow many women experience during their early months of…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local car enthusiast Daniel Wagner learned yesterday that his customized 1998 Honda Civic is not yet “classic” enough to earn him respect…
POMONA, Calif. — Trick-or-treaters visiting the haunted junkyard behind Old Man Clemens’ house were rewarded with rusted harmonicas handed out by rascal king Tom Waits,…
BELLE ISLE, Fla. — Local goth Jess “Alexandria Ravenwood” Reynolds is heartbroken that her recently deceased aunt did not include a “one night in a…
