STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Leading musical anthropologists announced that they have discovered a previously uncontacted metal genre, confirmed sources.
“I was exploring through Sweden, trying to find where those gummy fish come from,” said anthropologist Dr. Erin Weir. “As I’m wandering through the deep woods, I hear some tasty licks, the kind of tasty licks I’ve never heard before. I pushed through the underbrush and found my way to a clearing where a tribe of Swedish youths were playing an entirely new type of metal. I asked them what they called it, and they told me they were Brungo. Thus, I dub this Brungo metal. I get to name it because they made me eat surströmming, so I earned it. Brungo metal is defined by slow chord progression, heavy emphasis on bass, and the drummer shitting himself at the end of each set.”
Weir went on to explain that not only was this a new genre of metal, but it was developed completely independently by Brungo.
“Ja, we make the metal ourselves,” said guitarist and lead screamer, Erik Knutsen. “When we were kids we only had Jimmy Buffet records because our parents were big parrot heads. From there we started experimenting and got to Brungo’s signature sound. Your musicologists tell us it is metal, but we just say it’s Brungo! It is natural musical reaction of seeing your father eaten by a bear, and your mother carried off by a flock of hawks. This is a traditional childhood for the Swedes.”
According to musical historians, this is one in a long line of discovered metal subgenres.
“This really reminds me of when power metal was discovered in a basement in Dayton in 1979,” said Rick Jones, professor of musicology at the University of Phoenix. “An individual reported a strange smell emanating from his neighbor’s house, and the police went to do a wellness check. They found six smelly teenagers who had been spending days figuring out how to play guitar faster and faster. And to this day, it is one of our most popular and cheesiest genres.”
At press time, Brungo was booked at sold out shows in Finland, Hamburg, and the festival from “Midsommar.”
