AUBURN, N.Y. — Local metalhead Stew Benendez came to the realization he could no longer headbang the way he used to after noticing how dizzy…
Now He’s Gone Too Far: Vladimir Putin Just Said “Diabolus in Musica” Is Slayer’s Best Album
Few leaders are as internationally reviled as Russian president Vladimir Putin. Whether he’s unlawfully invading his neighboring countries or meddling in American elections, the 72-year-old…
Five Mercyful Fate Songs You Need To Listen to Now That You’ve Accidentally Touched the Crucifix on the Wall of Your Grandmother’s Living Room
Ew, gross! You just got off your grandmother’s couch while you were visiting her and you accidentally brushed against the crucifix on her wall! You…
Emotionally Withdrawn Pit Refuses to Open Up
ST. LOUIS — An emotionally withdrawn mosh pit refused to open up despite the raw power of Swedish death metal band Amon Amarth’s performance at…
Pregnant Woman Weighing Ethical Considerations of Bringing Child Into World Where Metallica Still Releasing New Music
CHICAGO — Pregnant woman Janice Bonder found herself second-guessing her decision to bring new life into a world where popular metal band Metallica was still…
We all know representation matters. Whether it’s in the workplace or in our favorite movies and television shows, it’s important to give marginalized communities a…
MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — Local metalhead Zach Schmidt and goth Brandon Cleary got into a heated slap-fight over who was entitled to whine about the upcoming…
CHICAGO — Local baseball fans and metalheads discovered that they shared an affinity to drink in parking lots, while one group was pregaming for death…
Grindcore Drummer Assures Jealous Girlfriend That Being in a Band Has Yet to Result in Female Attention
COTTAGE GROVE, Ore. — Local grindcore drummer Jermaine Anderson assured his girlfriend Tatiana Wayford that being in his band has yet to result in attention…
Highly Recruited High School Metalhead Considering Offers From Multiple Local Pizza Shops
SAN ANTONIO — Local metalhead Spencer Leggieri is reportedly being scouted by multiple pizza shops across the city in hopes of securing his talent as…
Pull String on Talking Lars Ulrich Doll Roughly 7 Miles Long
SAN FRANCISCO — Super7, the popular toy company known for its niche collectables, released a new talking Lars Ulrich doll that comes equipped with a…
Testament, Exodus, Overkill, and Dark Angel Announce “Mid-Sized Four of Thrash” Concert
SAN FRANCISCO — Semi-titans of American thrash metal Testament, Exodus, Overkill, and Dark Angel announced their plans to play a concert in the same vein…
5 Reasons Why I’ve Vowed to Never Compliment a Random Person’s Metal Shirt in Public Ever Again
Spotting someone in public wearing a shirt of a metal band you also like can immediately trigger a camaraderie that is seldom seen in other…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local Korn fan Floyd Brennan recently admitted that the band hit its peak approximately 50 seconds into the song “Blind,” confirmed sources…
Study Shows 1 Out of Every 5 Local Metal Band T-Shirts Ends Up Inside an Auto Repair Shop’s Oily Rag Bin
ITHACA, N.Y. — A recent study by Cornell University found that a striking one out of five local metal band t-shirts ends up inside an…