Metal Tag Archives

Five Goatwhore Songs You Might as Well Check Out Because, Let’s Face It, You’re Not Getting Into Heaven

Steve Packosky • July 8, 2026

Whoa, are you seriously getting ready for church right now? My man, that ship has sailed. There’s absolutely no way…

Looksmaxxing Metalhead Purposely Fractures His Cranial Bones To Reshape Skullet

Steve Packosky • May 17, 2026

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Metalhead and self-proclaimed looksmaxxer Owen Reynolds used a hammer to break several of his cranial bones in…

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Oh, You’re a Cradle of Filth Fan? Name Three H.P. Lovecraft Stories

S.L. Neechski • May 8, 2026

Hey you. Yeah, you with the choker and the “Vestal Masturbation” shirt. Wow, you really bought that. And you’re wearing…

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Pretty Neat! Here Are Five Canadian Metal Bands Who Don’t Have To Worry About Going Bankrupt From an Emergency Room Visit

Steve Packosky • May 2, 2026

Along with its publicly funded universal healthcare system, Canada has a long, storied history within metal music. As if having…

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Quiz: Cannibal Corpse Song Title or Stephen Miller’s Pornhub Search History?

Steve Packosky • April 27, 2026

Cannibal Corpse is an awesome death metal band from Buffalo, New York, that made a name for themselves in the…

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Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Metal Subgenre

Charles Bill • April 25, 2026

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Leading musical anthropologists announced that they have discovered a previously uncontacted metal genre, confirmed sources. “I was…

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What, So Carving “Slayer” Into Your Forearm Is Normal, but Carving “Toad the Wet Sprocket” Isn’t?

Steve Packosky • March 9, 2026

The nineties were a great time as far as iconic rock tunes were concerned. We couldn’t turn on our radios…

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Five World War I Themed Metal Bands To Check Out Since You Forgot To Study for Your History Final

Steve Packosky • February 16, 2026

World War I, or The Great War, was an unbelievably vast, global conflict that took place a little over a…

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Metal Band Debating Whether They Should Completely Fucking Ruin Their Music by Adding a Keyboardist

Steve Packosky • February 6, 2026

EUGENE, Ore. — Up-and-coming metal band Enrager found themselves considering whether they should completely fucking ruin their music by adding…

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Just Because We’re a Metalcore Band Doesn’t Mean We’re From the Midwest, but Yeah, We’re Only Touring Iowa and Nebraska

Ben Friedman • January 25, 2026

I've always believed stereotypes, whether positive or negative, are reductive and paint a picture of entire groups of people. Case…

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