We are all getting old, and so is metal! But what is metal? That’s a great question we’re not gonna answer. While we included plenty…
Metal Mascots Ranked by How Insufferable They’d Be as Podcast Hosts
In a world where everyone can just yap into the voice memos app on their iPhone and attempt to become famous, it’s only natural that…
Every Gorguts Album Ranked Worst to Best
Gorguts does not have a bad album. Luc Lemay is a musical genius and an extreme metal icon. We’d be remiss not to also say…
Metal Band Stoked About Coming Up With Name Only Four Other Metal Bands Have Used Already
PARMA, Ohio — Local metal band Devilskull were relieved when they came to an agreement on a band name that only four other bands in…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local metal musician Draven Whitlock revealed this week that he completed a touching song combining his two greatest desires; an eternal relationship…
Every Cannibal Corpse Album Ranked Worst to Best
Heavy metal and parental outrage, name a more iconic duo. From the early days of rock n roll satanic panic, and even congressional hearings, metal…
Every Children of Bodom Album Ranked Worst to Best
While everyone remembers the day the ‘90s died (September 11th, 2001), very few remember the day the ‘80s died, December 27th, 2020. On top of…
NEW YORK — Frontman of award-winning Heavy Metal band Xanstärr, Joey Blakkburn, says that he and the rest of the band hope to land a…
Old Man Who Doesn’t Like Rap Song Somehow on Right Side of History
LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal musician, and noted septuagenarian, Ozzy Osbourne broke new ground when he became the first old white man to complain about…
Every OM Album Ranked Worst to Best
Well, it’s that time of year, isn’t it? That time of year when the holidays end and New Year’s resolutions are being abandoned at break-neck…
Every Morbid Angel Album Ranked Worst to Best
Back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s, Morbid Angel graced us with the perfect mix of maddening thrash, guttural vocals, and Florida madness necessary to…
Death Metal Parents Put Son’s First Horrific Mutilated Corpse Drawing On Refrigerator
WRENTHAM, Mass. — Proud death metal fan parents Danica and Brandon Asheim were so excited about their five-year-old son’s first attempt at drawing a horrific…
PITTSBURGH – Philip Hansley, a self-proclaimed “scholar and devotee” of the progressive rock genre, expressed his outward frustration about having to wait for an unskippable…
Nu-Metal Conjoined Twins Born Connected by Dreadlock
APPLETON, Wisc. — Hot Topic co-workers, Brandy Graff and Dilan Hoffstedter, were “hella stoked” to welcome healthy twin boys conjoined by a single dreadlock, into…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Marcus Ulrich, the lead singer of local thrash metal band Christknuckle, was reportedly spotted at Walgreens asking employees which black hair dye…