It’s Time We Talked About How Few Members of the Zombies Have Died and Come Back
There’s been something on my mind, and I’m tired of keeping it in. It’s time we talked about how few…
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Arielle Andreano
58 stories found
Bon Iver Reveals ‘Skinny Love’ About Snapping Into a Slim Jim
EAU CLAIRE, Wis. — Singer-songwriter Justin Vernon, better known by his indie folk band moniker Bon Iver, revealed that his…
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Nation’s Xylophones Sit Dusty After Overly Optimistic ‘Gone Daddy Gone’ Boom
UNITED STATES — A secret collection of neglected xylophones hidden in American basements that were purchased after the release of…
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Artist Excited to See What Completely Irrelevant Heated Argument Will Take Place in Comment Section of New Post
LOS ANGELES — Multidisciplinary artist Larry Berry is excited to see what completely irrelevant heated argument will take place in…
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My Name Is Tendonitis, and Now That Your Life Is Already Falling Apart, It’s My Time To Shine
Hey, there. If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tendonitis, and now that your…
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Pharmacists Recommend Having Three Months’ Worth of Meds From Other, Imaginary Pharmacy Where They Let You Do That
LOS ANGELES — Pharmacists in the state of California have made a sweeping recommendation to have three months’ worth of…
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Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles
SHATTERFORD, England — Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant finally made a statement admitting that his hair is, in fact, noodles,…
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I’m Tired of Being Told I Don’t Pay Rent When I Provide Free Therapy to Four Losers with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes — Guest Column by a House Cat
I’m the housecat in a two-bedroom shared by four 23-year-old numbskulls, and I’m here to tell my story. I am…
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The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One
Locals tuned into the music scene all have their eyes on one musician this week, and the question on everyone’s…
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Any Jackass Can Win by Doing What Their Constituents Want — Guest post by Chuck Schumer
Listen, all you little communist punks. I know it’s the hot new pastime to celebrate Socialism and make fun of…
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