Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles
SHATTERFORD, England — Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant finally made a statement admitting that his hair is, in fact, noodles,…
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Arielle Andreano
52 stories found
I’m Tired of Being Told I Don’t Pay Rent When I Provide Free Therapy to Four Losers with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes — Guest Column by a House Cat
I’m the housecat in a two-bedroom shared by four 23-year-old numbskulls, and I’m here to tell my story. I am…
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The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One
Locals tuned into the music scene all have their eyes on one musician this week, and the question on everyone’s…
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Any Jackass Can Win by Doing What Their Constituents Want — Guest post by Chuck Schumer
Listen, all you little communist punks. I know it’s the hot new pastime to celebrate Socialism and make fun of…
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Help! My Therapist Claims There’s Not a Diagnostic Code for Repeatedly Listening to the Metallica Version of Whiskey in the Jar, So These Sessions Are Getting Really Expensive
Folks, am I ever in need of some serious help. I finally found the Holy Grail: an in-network therapist. And…
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How to Speedrun Your Panic Attack With Cold Brew and Old Weed
Alright, my panicked pals, LOCK IN because it’s time to learn a panic attack hack that your therapist and psychiatrist…
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Help! Andrew WK Told Me My Bloody Nose Pics Aren’t Metal Because I Dropped My iPad on My Face Reading a Cozy Mystery Ebook
Ever since I was a kid, I yearned for the effortless coolness of the I Get Wet album cover. Sure,…
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Inflation Impacting Food Baby Rates
HYATTSVILLE, Md. — Higher than ever inflation rates have reached a point where they are now markedly impacting food baby…
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Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
CLEVELAND — Classic rock band Heart revealed that they were challenged to name five of their own songs before they…
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Opinion: Snoopy Is Kind of a Dick for Wasting Housing
You know Snoopy, the universally beloved figure from everyone’s childhood who brings joy and whimsy to all. Well, think again!…
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