EAU CLAIRE, Wis. — Singer-songwriter Justin Vernon, better known by his indie folk band moniker Bon Iver, revealed that his hit single “Skinny Love” is about snapping into a Slim Jim, Vernon confirmed.
“You know, I feel like it’s been long enough and I’ve grown a lot as a person while living alone in this cabin without internet access that I can reveal the true meaning of ‘Skinny Love,’” said Vernon with a mouthful of the processed meat sticks. “I really just figured it would be an emotional ballad about my most beloved snack. But then my record label thought it was really moving and told me I had to write an entire album in the woods like I’m freakin’ Henry David Thoreau. And I’ve been here ever since, eating Slim Jims, writing songs about Slim Jims, and building stick figures out of Slim Jims who have become my only source of companionship in this otherwise desolate cabin. I just really like these meat sticks and I felt like everyone should know that.”
Kyle Roberts, a representative of the snack company Slim Jim, shared the company’s response to this news.
“We at Slim Jim are deeply touched by this apparent tribute to our mechanically separated chicken meat sticks, which now include pork,” said Roberts while dressed head to toe like Macho Man Randy Savage. “We remember sitting down to listen to Mr. Iver’s album while enjoying one of our original recipe Giant Sticks, available in both regular and mild, and thinking, ‘Wow, these pair so well together, it’s like they were made for each other. Just like our new Twin Original Giant Sticks.’ So we are elated to hear that Sir Bon was indeed inspired by snapping into us. We hope everyone will enjoy listening to Bon Iver’s beautiful and haunting melodies while trying our new Monster Stick, now available in Dill Pickle flavor.”
Samantha Giest, prolific music critic and person who regularly noshes, shed some light on the history of snack homages in music.
“You’d be surprised how many deeply emotional songs are actually tributes to people’s favorite foods,” said Giest. “In fact, ‘Careless Whisper’ was sponsored by the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics and is about the value of wafers as a snack food base. Once you learn about it, it’s hard to unsee. That’s how I knew immediately that ‘My Heart Will Go On’ is about a balanced, heart healthy diet that includes Cheerios.”
Bon Iver now reports he will be releasing a new album that will “unabashedly celebrate” all his favorite meat products.
