I Wrote a Song About Cotton Eyed Joe Stealing My Woman for Catharsis but They Just Keep Dancing to It
My name is Jed, and I’m ready to tell my story. Many years ago, I had just about the most…
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Arielle Andreano — Page 3
50 stories found
Surgeon General Confirms: Housing Two Large Stuffed Crust Pizzas Without Lactaid Still Best Treatment for Constipation
WASHINGTON — The Office of the Surgeon General released comprehensive guidance on using two large stuffed crust pizzas as a…
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Opinion: Kids These Days Learn Unrealistic Sex From Porn When They Should Be Learning It From Bloodhound Gang Songs
There was a time when sex was sacred. It wasn’t with just anybody at just any time. It was between…
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Here Are 8 Other Euphemisms for Jerking off Violent Femmes Rejected
Songwriting can be a beautiful, if frustrating, process. The undertaking of perfectly evoking a universal human emotion or experience is…
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Poly Woman Struggles to Find Different Group Chat to Bitch About Each Partner
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Polyamorous woman Leanne Farina is experiencing the struggle of finding a different group chat in which…
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Trump Debuts Previously Undiscovered Way to Pronounce “Cinco De Mayo”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump debuted a completely new pronunciation of the holiday “Cinco De Mayo” while addressing local reporters…
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How to Surprise Yourself With a Nice Dinner by Getting High and Forgetting You Made It
It’s 4/20, and you’re probably thinking, “Who cares, I already smoke weed every day,” right? Well, what if I told…
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Scientists Develop Procedure Allowing Human Brain to Offload Matchbox Twenty Songs to Make Space for New Information
BALTIMORE — Top neuroscientists at Johns Hopkins University developed an innovative procedure that will allow the human brain to offload…
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“Enema of the State” Cover Art Only Thing Reminding Aging Punk to Get Yearly Colonoscopy
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local aging punk Blake Feinstein credits the cover art for Blink-182’s “Enema of the State” as being…
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Democrats Will Continue Relentlessly Doing Nothing if You Just Pitch in $5
WASHINGTON – Top Democrats have revealed a groundbreaking plan to combat Trump’s fascist takeover, and, according to Chuck Schumer, it…
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