NEW YORK — A local group of friends who are extremely efficient decided to go ahead and cancel plans while making them, sources confirmed.
“Well, we realized that if one of us canceled, the cancelee felt great but the canceler was left feeling guilty,” said Erica Fiorelli, one of the efficient friends. “So we figured if we just canceled right away and at the same time, that would remove the icky feelings part and just leave the good parts of friendship, which means just shit-talking people who aren’t in the group chat. The truth is, we really love each other but don’t always love spending time together. Friendship is exhausting. I’m really looking forward to planning and canceling our lunch date next month as well as our friends trip to Italy.”
Amazed onlookers to the event shared the gravity of what they had witnessed.
“This is going to save everyone so much time, not to mention so many friendships,” shared Stephanie Jones, chronic late canceler. “We don’t have to waste several days of confirmation texts leading up to an event only to text that we’re ‘not feeling well’ on the day. We can just take care of it right at the start. I have truly never felt so seen by and inspired by something I just witnessed on the street. Normally it’s just rats trying to eat my footwear or men taking a shit on the sidewalk. This is a beautiful thing.”
Nicole Tran, a leading psychologist in the field of Flaky Friendships, shared her expert opinion on the event.
“People are seeking authenticity more than ever in their relationships. And in this case, people really want to be their authentic selves at home alone bingeing TV and not putting on makeup or having to find parking. I mean, who has the energy to go out in this world and in this economy?” said Tran. “It’s really just a natural progression of late stage capitalism if you ask me. I’m not an economist or anything, but I am a mental health professional who will be canceling all my plans for the next few weeks. And after that, I’m going to start canceling them while I make them, like these two brave ladies. This is a healthy step for humankind.”
Inspired by what’s sure to be a popular social movement, dating apps have started beta testing an option for men to reveal if they’re murderers before the date is even scheduled.
