Efficient Friends Cancel Plans While Making Them
NEW YORK — A local group of friends who are extremely efficient decided to go ahead and cancel plans while…
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Arielle Andreano — Page 2
46 stories found
Sociologists Confirm: Midday Coffee Best First Date For People Who Love Shitting and Panicking
SEATTLE — Sociologists at the University of Washington confirmed that midday coffee is the best first date for people who…
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Bruce Springsteen Clarifies He Meant ‘Little Girl’ in the Misogynistic Way, Not the Pedophile Way
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Music legend Bruce Springsteen released a statement to clarify that his intentions in the song “I’m…
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Vans to Partner With Life Alert for Aging Skaters
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Apparel and skateboarding shoe brand Vans is partnering with elder care brand Life Alert to cater…
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Aging Millennial’s Finger Mustache Tattoo Goes Gray
SEATTLE — A 35-year-old millennial with the once ubiquitous finger mustache tattoo noticed that her ink stache is graying right…
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38-Year-Old Punk Excited To Check Out This Band ‘Perimenopause’ That’s Been All Over Her Algorithm
LOS ANGELES — Local 38-year-old punk Nicole Crane is very excited to check out the supposed new band Perimenopause that’s…
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I Wrote a Song About Cotton Eyed Joe Stealing My Woman for Catharsis but They Just Keep Dancing to It
My name is Jed, and I’m ready to tell my story. Many years ago, I had just about the most…
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Surgeon General Confirms: Housing Two Large Stuffed Crust Pizzas Without Lactaid Still Best Treatment for Constipation
WASHINGTON — The Office of the Surgeon General released comprehensive guidance on using two large stuffed crust pizzas as a…
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Opinion: Kids These Days Learn Unrealistic Sex From Porn When They Should Be Learning It From Bloodhound Gang Songs
There was a time when sex was sacred. It wasn’t with just anybody at just any time. It was between…
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Here Are 8 Other Euphemisms for Jerking off Violent Femmes Rejected
Songwriting can be a beautiful, if frustrating, process. The undertaking of perfectly evoking a universal human emotion or experience is…
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