Tom Cruise Outruns Treadmill
LOS ANGELES — Movie star and empty-smiler Tom Cruise achieved the seemingly impossible by outrunning a treadmill while training for…
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S.L. Neechski
30 stories found
Oh, You’re a Cradle of Filth Fan? Name Three H.P. Lovecraft Stories
Hey you. Yeah, you with the choker and the “Vestal Masturbation” shirt. Wow, you really bought that. And you’re wearing…
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Oh, You’re A KISS Fan? Name Three Ways To Monetize A Logo
Hey, you with the demon facepaint, and the KISS t-shirt, and the KISS patch on your vest, and the KISS…
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Oh, You’re an As I Lay Dying Fan? Name Three Anabolic Steroids
Hey, you with the As I Lay Dying t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and swelled-up ankles. You’re a metalcore…
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Oh, You’re A KoЯn Fan? Name Three Dah-Boom-Dah-Dah-MMM-Dum-Nah-Ee-Mah
Hey, you with the white-kid dreads and those baggy JNCOs with a portable CD player in the giant back pocket.…
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Tesla Hides Drive Mode Behind Subscription Paywall
AUSTIN, Texas — Tesla CEO and impossibly moronic manchild Elon Musk announced this week that Tesla will begin locking the…
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New Aaron Lewis Album Crowdsourced From r/Conservative
WORTHINGTON, Mass. — Country musician and patriot cosplayer Aaron Lewis admitted this week that he crowdsourced his new album, “I’m…
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Kid Rock Fan Misses Custody Hearing Due To Bail Hearing
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jimmy Fetsar missed a child custody hearing because he was at a bail hearing stemming from a…
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Morgan Wallen Denies A.I. Used for New Song ‘Country Music, Also Known as Country and Western or Simply Country, Is a Music Genre’
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Country superstar and mullet aficionado Morgan Wallen recently denied accusations that artificial intelligence was used in the…
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Opinion: My All-Powerful And All-Knowing God Will Protect Me From Anything, But I Still Need The Weapons Cache In My Bunker Just In Case
The world is a threatening place. There’s lotsa scary stuff out there — like Democrat professors denigrating America by bringing…
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