Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue” next to you? Hmm. Lemme guess: it was a gift from a guitarist.
Then you must be a Buckethead fan with that oddball combination, even if you’re not wearing his iconic KFC bucket and white mask. Maybe that’s for the best in your case. Dude looks like the greasiest serial killer in history with that getup. Doesn’t scare me, though, because the only thing Buckethead slays is his six-string, and he’s literally the best there is.
Anyway, if you’re a Buckethead fan, then name three items on the KFC menu.
The Boneless Bucket For One? You musta been to KFC pretty recently since that’s a brand-new item. Still, it’s an obvious choice with the word “bucket” in it. It’s fitting, though, because Buckethead is a solitary artist, both in the studio and onstage. I’d probably be pretty hard to work with, too, if I played guitar so skillfully and in such a masturbatory way that I made an O-face all the time. Maybe that’s what the mask is for.
Cherry Pie Poppers? Nice pull. What a throwback. Too bad they’re not available anymore, even if KFC’s worldview is that no foodstuff is a bad foodstuff. Which kinda reminds me of the über-prolific Buckethead, whose whole catalog I absolutely love. Similar to KFC, Buckethead puts out every single idea that comes to him, no matter how close to trash it is.
The Famous Bowl? Ah yes, the everything-and-the-kitchen-sink pigslop grosspile. Still, it’s literally the greatest thing in history when you’re hammered. Guess that’s true when you’re high, as well. Probably why I’m such a fan of Buckethead’s guitar playing. I like my guitarists like I like my fast food — shamelessly gluttonous.
Anyway, all this talk’s making me hungry. Might hit up a KFC and grab a Chicken Combo. After that, wanna play some “Clue”?
