DALLAS — Frequent concertgoer Peter Logan once again was accused of not taking his therapy sessions seriously after responding with shouts and rounds of applause to basic questions, sources confirmed.
“It’s astonishing. I think Peter firmly believes life is a concert and he’s the biggest fan in the room. His behavior is made worse by the fact he always asks if he can stash his jacket behind the front desk and then asks the receptionist if we have any new merch,” explained Dr. Laura Truman, popular specialist in music-related delusions. “At the beginning of each session when I ask how he’s feeling, Peter always responds with a shrieked ‘WOOOOOO!’ while smiling and throwing up his index and pinky fingers. I try to explain to him why it isn’t acceptable behavior. Then he begins applauding me at four-minute intervals. When our session is over he usually chants ‘one more question’ until I shut the lights in the office off. Tragic but fascinating.”
Logan has been attending concerts multiple times per week ever since his tweens when older siblings would drive him.
“My therapist is going to put on such a good show today, I can feel it. The last few setlists have kinda been shit, so I’m due for a good one,” said Logan, who has begun stocking his apartment with clear plastic beer cups that fill up from a tap valve on the bottom. “Dr. Truman frequently closes with my codependent relationships, but a few weeks ago she opened with it which was a shocker. Recently, she had to go to a conference, so the concert was canceled. But I was able to get my tickets refunded.”
Peter’s behavioral shift is just the most recent evidence that frequent show attendance can lead to various personal, mental, and physical problems.
“I’ve been involved in the live music scene here in Dallas for years, and I’ve definitely seen it change people,” recalled show promoter and all-around scumbag Jeff Halls. “You got people woo’ing at funerals, in hospitals, and on the train. Then, others think it’s OK to mosh just because they can hear a jackhammer in the distance. Even worse, some people can become addicted and get really strung out, but that might be because I’m selling them smack at the shows.”
As of press time, Peter Logan is no longer a patient of Dr. Truman’s, as he attempted to follow his doctor on a West Coast tour which was actually just a family RV vacation.