SAN ANTONIO — Local punk Issah Rooney is taking advantage of Governor Abbott’s cruel and inhumane policy of busing migrants to northern US cities by…
RIO RANCHO, N.M. — Self-proclaimed Marvel mega fan Devin Hume was shocked and outraged after seeing legendary filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard’s obituary featured absolutely no post-credit…
LOS ANGELES – Nefarious rockstars Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Marilyn Manson, and Gene Simmons combined forces to become the world’s preeminent supervillain group, suspicious sources…
HENNEPIN COUNTY, Minn. — The largely unsupervised Peanuts gang has finally called Child Protective Services on the parents of their unhygienic and destitute classmate Pigpen.…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local asshole Brodie Mccaffery had the audacity to burden his work friend Dianne Lin with 100% free, no strings attached concert tickets, multiple…
WHITTIER, Calif. — Three roommates in southern California enacted extreme water rationing measures to avoid being the one having to refill their shared Brita filter,…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Disney-obsessed middle-aged man Sebastian Werner is to be tried as a minor after allegedly assaulting several guests at the happiest place on…
SOMERSET, Mass. — Local cool boss Kirk Rayner chose a Cameo video from Creed singer Scott Stapp to inform his employees there will be no…
INDIANAPOLIS — Allegedly touring pop punk band Deaf Hippos is really blurring the line between actively playing shows outside their hometown and not having a…
BEATRICE, Neb. — Staunch conservative Todd Anderson vowed to limit his annual Disney World trips to slightly more than a baker’s dozen because he is…
GLENSIDE, Pa. — Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman vows to support universal healthcare for scene veterans, old heads, and all the real motherfuckers in the…
LOS ANGELES — “Avatar: The Way of Water” director James Cameron doubled down on his criticism of fans complaining about the film’s runtime stating that…
NEW YORK — Popular dictionary manufacturer Merriam-Webster made an unexpected change to the definition of “self-made” to include musicians with only one wealthy, connected parent,…
WASHINGTON — Outraged Republicans are spending millions in taxpayer money to send every child turned gay by Disney’s “Lightyear” a copy of 1986’s “Top Gun,”…
TUCKER, Ga. — Local musician Mark Shepherd vowed to master his new favorite song on guitar so long as it’s not in some weird tuning,…