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Pissed Cryptozoologist Mistakes J Mascis for Bigfoot Again

MAUPIN, Ore. — Deflated cryptozoologist Sam Pennington expressed his frustration after once again mistaking Dinosaur Jr. lead singer and guitarist J Mascis for the elusive Bigfoot, multiple colleagues confirmed.

“There I am in rural Oregon on yet another Bigfoot investigation. I haven’t seen any evidence of a sasquatch yet, but, hey, 1,253rd times the charm, right? From within the woods I hear a guttural growl and spot a hairy, lumbering figure in the distance. This must be it, I think. But then I spot that familiar trucker hat and realize it’s just ‘90s alternative rocker J Masci again,” said Pennington. “I wouldn’t care but I’ve run into him on multiple occasions now. Apparently, wandering aimlessly around the woods helps him write songs. But it’s hunting season. I smacked him in the face and yelled ‘don’t you get it, we don’t want you here.’ He looked so sad, but it was for his own good.”

Some however, remain skeptical that Pennington even saw Mascis in the first place.

“I am a skeptic. And as such, I refused to examine or even acknowledge any evidence that conflicts with my strict, materialistic worldview. This is why I find it so hard to believe that a so-called ‘Dinosaur Jr.’ lead singer even exists in the first place,” said Dr. Simon Berg. “A few of the blind believers have tried proving J Mascis’ existence by presenting his alleged albums and a sampling of his droppings. But those could just as easily be Meat Puppets albums, and the droppings for all we know is just common Kim Gordon scat.”

Professor of mythology Samantha Wilkinson explained that this was surprisingly common.

“J Mascis is far from the only rock star being mistaken for a cryptid. For instance, most of the alleged sightings of the Jersey Devil have been in reality Danzig going on a cooldown run in the Pine Barrens,” said Wilkinson. “And Hope Sandoval is frequently accused of being a fairy because of her ethereal, otherworldly voice and her ability to grant the wishes of anyone that is pure of heart.”

In an effort to avoid future cases of mistaken cryptic identity, Mascis has sought the advice of Creed singer Scott Stapp, who is frequently mistaken for the Florida Skunk Ape.