SAN DIEGO — Local student at Pardo High School and drummer Grey Martin was noticeably missing in the majority of their yearbook photo, which predominantly featured members of their hardcore/finger-crust band, Crambulate, confirmed sources.
“It comes with the territory,” said Martin, who comes from a long line of drummers they have never fully seen and was reportedly feeling “unsurprised” by how the picture turned out. “Whether in the back of the orchestra, in the corner of a cramped dive, or even at a bris there’s always some other musician or rabbi between me and the camera. My drivers license photo is somehow mostly David Lee Roth. I’m used to it now, but it wasn’t always like this, I was always heavily acknowledged and highly regarded until I took the throne. Since then, my visibility has plummeted.”
Crambulate guitar Mack Rivers didn’t really see an issue with the yearbook photo.
“I think it turned out pretty well,” said Rivers. “I like how my hair looks, the light caught my tele just right, and you can tell I’m really getting my shred on. Honestly, one of the best pictures of Grey I’ve seen. As a lead axe-man, it’s my job to use my mobility on stage and in life to stand tall for those who must sit, and I can’t let that allyship go unacknowledged. The challenge is getting in frame from every angle. There are no craftier photogs to outsmart than a drummer’s friends and family. Luckily there aren’t many of either.”
John Jason, the freelance photographer hired for the picture day, attests that documenting drummers has proved “historically difficult.”
“I’ve been around and I’ve got ‘em all. Bigfoot, Loch Ness monster, I even got a nice action shot of Jeff Magnum getting curb-stomped by a geologist from Animal Collective,” said Jason. “But drummers just never seem to develop quite right. Never been able to get one in a shot alone. Even with Grey, I cleared the entire room, drew the blinds, hung up garlic, and still I only got like an elbow and a hairline.”
At press time, Pardo High School has since announced that, going forward, yearbook club will offer “out of focus rhythm section” as a background option along with green lasers and blue fade.
