Drummer’s Yearbook Photo Obscured by Guitarist and Half a Keyboard
SAN DIEGO — Local student at Pardo High School and drummer Grey Martin was noticeably missing in the majority of…
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Tom K
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Mitch McConnell Settling Into Retirement by Destroying All the Houses Jimmy Carter Built
FRANKFORT, Ky. — Oft-succumbing and soon-dying United States senator Mitch McConnell revealed his post-political plans of destroying all the houses…
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Nardwuar Struggling to Unearth A Part of Taylor Swift’s Life Not Already Widely Known to Public
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Famed journalist and serviette Nardwuar was reportedly “upset and disturbed” after his most recent interview with…
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Condemned Punk Venue Finds Second Life as Punk Venue
SAN DIEGO — Former music venue The Everybody Inn, which specialized in metal and finger-crust shows from 2001 until it…
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Modern Drummer Magazine Announces Trump Will be Ineligible for “Best Roots/Reggae Percussion” in 2024
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — The ongoing legal battles that are plaguing Donald Trump’s 2024 presidential prospects continue with last night’s…
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Bruce Springsteen Song Characters Ranked by How Healthy Their Relationship is With The Boss
He goes by many names. Bruce, The Boss, uh, “old fuss and feathers” maybe. More importantly, Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen…
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Broke Punk Elated to See Favorite Band Not Touring Anywhere Near Them this Summer
SAN DIEGO — Impoverished punk Greg “Spike” Templeton couldn’t be happier that his favorite band was not touring anywhere near…
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Schrödinger’s Uncle Both World War II Buff and Holocaust Denier
BOSTON — Local uncle Harvey Sumwade amassed national attention after gaining prominence for his encyclopedic knowledge of World War II…
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Karaoke Crowd Watches in Horror as Another Victim Falls Prey to the Forgettable Verse of Song With Catchy Chorus
SAN DIEGO — Authorities scrambled to contain the damage Tuesday night after a local bar was hammered by what patrons…
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Doctor Prescribes “OK Computer” Reissue to Pitchfork Editor Not Responding to Viagra
MINNEAPOLIS — Music publication Pitchfork is at the center of what might be the next medical breakthrough for male health…
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