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Condemned Punk Venue Finds Second Life as Punk Venue

SAN DIEGO — Former music venue The Everybody Inn, which specialized in metal and finger-crust shows from 2001 until it was shuttered by the city in 2020 for thousands of code violations reopened last month without any changes, sources confirmed.

“It used to suck before it started falling apart. We’re talking your typical, capitalist, corporate establishment…ample parking, accessible circuit breaker, a sound guy who was always smiling…it was torture. After it closed, we had to wait for all the documentary crews and GoFundMe leeches to clear out before we could build it down to what it is today,” said scene elder Scrad ‘Two-Heads’ Jackson while describing the Inn’s evolution from humble beginnings as a punk venue to its current heralded status as a punk venue. “Each week, Bloody Bobby usually steals us a keg, shows are announced with a series of nondescript chalk drawings throughout the city, and the whole PA runs through a Bluetooth speaker. Nowadays we call it ‘The Red X’ based on the sign they put out front.”

The Inn’s success is not without controversy, however, as nearby venue owners, such as House of Blues’ Edwin van Lindleham, lament what they consider unfair competition.

“Even the cobwebs in there are rusty somehow. How can I compete with ambiance like that? I sent the cops to break up a show they got tetanus, dysentery, something called hoof-and-mouth disease, and diphtheria, which was supposedly eradicated until now,” said van Lindleham. “I know it’s been condemned, but how has it not been, like, double condemned? They’re mopping the floor with us, and I’ve seen them use steel wool strapped to a mannequin leg as a mop.”

The punk community has been unified in rallying around the dilapidated building which could collapse at any moment.

“This place is punk in its purest form,” affirms de facto historian Fat Mike while stealing copper wiring for display in the Punk Rock Museum. “Punk subculture has an inherent invulnerability in its ethos. The worse it gets, the more unhinged it gets, the closer to death it gets the more punk it is. Allin’s paradox states: The degree to which something is ‘punk’ is inversely proportional to the magnitude of effort exerted to make it punk. It’s the circle of strife. What is built eventually must rot, and what rots must eventually contain squatters with Circle Jerk tattoos.”

At press time, local sources are hopeful for the prospective longevity of The Everybody Inn as it currently exists due in large part to the enormous financial burden of any restoration attempt which Zillow currently lists at “we pay you $60,000.”