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Schrödinger’s Uncle Both World War II Buff and Holocaust Denier

BOSTON — Local uncle Harvey Sumwade amassed national attention after gaining prominence for his encyclopedic knowledge of World War II while also being a staunch Holocaust denier, embarrassed relatives confirmed.

“I’ve never been the type of person to just believe whatever I read. And all these books, documentaries, and first-hand accounts of the Holocaust seem suspect. Any amount of agreement between that many people is a conspiracy,” said Sumwade while putting the finishing touches on a North American B-25B Mitchell model airplane. “But I know a lot of people who agree with me because I stick to the facts. Hitler was an idiot and dangerously unfit for office. Among his greatest blunders was falling for Operation Bodyguard. Allies were never going to invade Pas-de-Calais and everyone knew it. The blood of millions of Germans are on his hands…soldiers, that is.”

Sumwade’s nephew, who prefers to remain anonymous, commented on the complicated relationship with his soon-to-be-estranged uncle.

“It’s objectively incredible how much he can recall about global conflict in the 20th century,” said the young man. “It’s even more incredible how all that knowledge can be expertly coerced around such trash takes. My uncle will tell you any little thing that happened in that time period except the one big thing that everybody knows happened, and changed the world’s demographics for generations to come. It’s scientifically fascinating; his existence is conceptually impossible, yet surprisingly common in his age range.”

Recent research from The Institute for Insufferable Geriatrics has noted an alarming epidemic of “Early-Onset Holocaust Denial” in otherwise healthy and insightful World War II buffs.

“The IIG advises all tertiary relatives of susceptible individuals to be on the lookout for warning signs. What may start as simple attention-seeking behavior like saying ‘I’m sure some people died, but the numbers don’t add up’ may progress into a full-on contrarian assholery driven by appropriated culture war rhetoric,” said Community Outreach Coordinator Blake Wilson. “When most people stopped giving a shit about World War II history disenfranchised aficionados were forced to come to terms with their reduced role in society. Subsequently, their brains deal with the rejection by subconsciously planting the seeds for history to repeat itself, thereby granting themselves a renewed purpose. The fastest way to do that? Holocaust denial.”

Critics of Sumwade’s message have labeled it “wildly miscalculated,” “dangerous,” and “borderline senile,” to which he responds “the more I repeat it, the more I believe it—Winston Churchill.”