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Punk Celebrates 20 Years of Complaining About AFI Selling Out

MILWAUKEE — Local punk Max Prime is celebrating his 20th year of incessant complaining about his former favorite band AFI signing to a major label and becoming “unforgivable sellouts,” sources who cannot believe he’s still doing this shit confirm.

“Man, it’s hard to believe ‘Sing The Sorrow’ is already 20 years old. I still remember hearing it for the first time and immediately knowing AFI was finished,” said Prime, shaking his head grimly. “I knew I had to make it my mission to tell everyone how I knew about them before they were huge, and how I’ll never listen to any of their new stuff. Normally I can only find things to complain about regarding an artist for like five, maybe ten years, so this is a really big deal for me. My buddies have mostly stopped bringing up AFI around me, but I’m sure they have something planned for this milestone.”

Prime’s housemate Brad White does not have any plans to help him celebrate and wish he’d shut the fuck up about it already.

“No, we definitely don’t have anything planned. In fact I booked an AirBnB just so I could get away for a few days while Max rants to no one,” said White. “I like ‘Sing the Sorrow,’ and I like everything AFI has put out since. Well, except for ‘Crash Love.’ I don’t really care for ‘Bodies’ either actually, but that’s not the point. Bands evolve, it’s normal, and they still make an effort to play some deep cuts at every gig. If Max wants to just mope around listening to ‘Very Proud Of Ya’ for the rest of his life, that’s his problem.”

Members of AFI report a deep desire for fans to move on.

“Yeah, I know who Max is. He DMs me all the time complaining about our sound and how I used to be his idol and I betrayed him,” said frontman Davey Havock while braiding his mullet. “I’ve had him muted for years, but every now and then I check in and see if he’s moved on, and no, he has not. We’re all used to this now though. Just once I want to play a show without some crusty punk yelling at us to play some old stuff. And then when we do play the old stuff, they still just stand there with their arms crossed. Fucking annoying.”

At press time, Prime offered unprompted to give an extended interview breaking down every reason why “Sing The Sorrow” “sucks.”