BAGHDAD — Historians recently discovered a sternly worded document from Senator Chuck Schumer’s ancestor that amounted to a “tepid appeal”…
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FAIRHAVEN, Mass. — A new baby daughter helped local couple Ben and Hannah Brenner reconnect, though her arrival signaled the…
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UPPER MARLBORO, Md. — Wayne and Heidi Stevens intend to wait out the US’ burgeoning authoritarian regime by consuming an…
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NEEDHAM, Mass. — A self-avowed super fan of the rock band Geese was surprised by her well-meaning parents with a…
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KINGSTON, N.Y. — Local tattooist Eddie Greer’s proud tale of drunken excess bears a close resemblance to his friend’s worst…
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MACON, Ga. — Lionel Quinn, bassist for local band Busted Hump, has no plans to reveal his ignorance of the…
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SARASOTA, Fla. — Beloved local air guitarist Lance DeStefano is recovering after overdosing on imaginary drugs backstage before a performance,…
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BURLINGTON, Mass. — ICE agent Wayne Almeida attempted to pick up women at a local bar by showing off his…
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WASHINGTON — A White House press release suggests that citizens come up with “wasteland personas” soon before all the good…
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WASHINGTON — President Trump complained that the manual that details how to operate a fascist regime was “boring” due to…
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