SpaceX Engineer Explodes at Desk
HAWTHORNE, Calif. — A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing, according to blood-spattered…
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Tim Graham — Page 3
146 stories found
Pitchfork Writer Visiting Home Describes Mom’s Dinner as “A Derivative Slog Through White Suburban Mediocrity”
COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — Music critic Sophie McKennitt brutally lambasted her mother’s cooking during a recent visit home, according to…
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Uplifting ISIS Re-Heading Video Goes Viral
RAQQA, Syria — Terrorist organization ISIS is taking credit for a stylish TikTok video showing masked figures successfully reattaching a…
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Chief of Previously Uncontacted Tribe Asks Explorers if They’ve Heard the New Turnstile Album
TAUARIAZINHO, Brazil — An encounter with an isolated tribe resulted in an unexpected discussion of the band Turnstile, according to…
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College Graduate Who Majored in Prison Architecture Flooded With Job Offers
PHILADELPHIA — University of Pennsylvania graduate Nathan Swain says he’s been inundated with calls from recruiters since completing his degree…
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Greg Ginn Announces 9-Year-Old Nephew Already Working on Artwork for Next Black Flag Album
HERMOSA BEACH, Calif. — Black Flag founder Greg Ginn revealed that the band’s next album will feature artwork by his…
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Crust Punk “Hot Ones” Knockoff Has Guests Huff Increasingly Hazardous Solvents
PITTSBURGH — A punk-themed YouTube show called “Huff Ones” where guests inhale volatile substances is gaining popularity despite warnings from…
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Man Claims Ability to Differentiate Between Semisonic, Lit, Eve 6, and Tonic
SEEKONK, Mass. — Local man Gregory Bouchard boasts a savant-like skill for identifying songs by ‘90s post-grunge one-hit wonders, according…
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Conservative Man Who is Afraid of Cities Mocks 22-Year-Old Girl Sailing Into Warzone
BELVEDERE, Ill. — Self-described ‘ultraMAGA patriot’ Gill Stevenson relentlessly criticized Greta Thunberg as she makes another attempt to bring aid…
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Ride to Airport From Uncle Confirms Howard Stern Still Exists
BOSTON — Frequent flyer Kaitlyn Massey was surprised to learn that venerable shock jock Howard Stern is still alive and…
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