Geese Fan’s Parents Get Her Goose Tickets for Christmas
NEEDHAM, Mass. — A self-avowed super fan of the rock band Geese was surprised by her well-meaning parents with a…
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Tim Graham — Page 3
154 stories found
Punk’s Best Anecdote Very Similar to Sober Friend’s Rock Bottom Story
KINGSTON, N.Y. — Local tattooist Eddie Greer’s proud tale of drunken excess bears a close resemblance to his friend’s worst…
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Bassist Continues Pretending to Know What ‘Playing in the Pocket’ Means
MACON, Ga. — Lionel Quinn, bassist for local band Busted Hump, has no plans to reveal his ignorance of the…
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Punk Air Guitarist Air Overdoses on Air Heroin
SARASOTA, Fla. — Beloved local air guitarist Lance DeStefano is recovering after overdosing on imaginary drugs backstage before a performance,…
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ICE Agent Tries to Impress Women by Showing Scar From Injury Sustained While Tackling Child
BURLINGTON, Mass. — ICE agent Wayne Almeida attempted to pick up women at a local bar by showing off his…
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US Government Urges Citizens to Choose Mad Max Style Post-Apocalyptic Name Now Before All the Good Ones are Taken
WASHINGTON — A White House press release suggests that citizens come up with “wasteland personas” soon before all the good…
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Trump Disappointed Nazi Playbook Has Very Few Pictures
WASHINGTON — President Trump complained that the manual that details how to operate a fascist regime was “boring” due to…
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Stephen Miller and Mr. Beast Entering Hour 72 of Soulless, Dead-Eyed Staring Contest
WASHINGTON — The contest between White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller and YouTube superstar Mr. Beast shows no…
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SpaceX Engineer Explodes at Desk
HAWTHORNE, Calif. — A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing, according to blood-spattered…
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Pitchfork Writer Visiting Home Describes Mom’s Dinner as “A Derivative Slog Through White Suburban Mediocrity”
COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — Music critic Sophie McKennitt brutally lambasted her mother’s cooking during a recent visit home, according to…
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