BOSTON — Local pub O’Keeffe’s is reportedly asking patrons if they are ok with consuming Flogging Molly after they lost their ability to provide Dropkick Murphys, disappointed sources confirmed.
“We know everyone in this town has grown up on Dropkick Murphys. For years we were able to provide them to our customers along side our wide variety of beers and trademark corned beef and cabbage,” said Billy O’Keeffe, the pub’s longtime owner. “Unfortunately the Dropkicks distributor changed and we lost the rights. I tried to find a band I think our regulars might still like. It’s really almost the same, I promise. Most people can barely tell the difference. Flogging Molly even comes with a good variety of opening bands like The Real McKenzies and The Young Dubliners.”
O’Keeffe’s regular Justin Connelly admits he is a bit disappointed by the pub’s musical selection for the most important holiday on the calendar.
“I showed up on the big day and asked when Dropkick Murphys go on and Billy hit me with this big friggin’ sigh and pointed to some weird ass band setting up, and asked, ‘is Flogging Molly okay?’ He spent the next 25 minutes apologizing, I’m a Dropkick Murphys guy through and through, anything else hitting my ears just feels wrong” said Connelly, mimicking an Irish accent. “They aren’t the worst thing in the world, and I guess they got the job done. If I shut my eyes and just listened, it was kinda similar, but my music taste is pretty refined, so I can still tell the difference. But hey, I’m sure there are folks out there that might even like the Flailing Marys better.”
Dave King, a founding member and singer of Floggy Molly, says they always have this sort of trouble in Boston.
“I’m sick of it. I’m not some Departed character. I’m actually from Dublin, all the Dropkick Murphys guys are from fucking Quincy, which is a town you couldn’t pay me to visit. On top of that, I started the band before the Dropkick Murphys even existed! These drunk pricks have no idea how lucky they are to see us,” exclaimed King. “Is this how the Hydrox cookie feels? Not only does Oreo come to take your lunch money, they then manage to convince the world they came first. If we weren’t in Boston, I’d consider calling the police about identity theft!”
At press time, Connelly was seen at a nearby McDonalds placing an order for his favorite ‘authentic Irish staple’ the Shamrock Shake which will eventually be thrown up in the back of an Uber.