GREENSBORO, N.C. – Indie folk-rock band Wildertown Archer is taking extreme pleasure in denying their audience the satisfaction of hearing “Rhubarb Road,” their one semi-popular hit, pained concert attendees report.
“Everyone just wants to hear that one song, and they won’t let us have it no matter what,” said Matthew Jalisco-Blair, grimacing as he finished his beer and desperately tried to peer at the setlist taped to the stage in front of him. “We’ve been standing here basically getting tortured for at least 75 minutes now. And they’re just grinning weirdly and playing everything else that none of us care about or even have heard before. What a bunch of psychos.”
Wildertown Archer lead singer Nate Coomey confirmed that he and his bandmates derive significant pleasure from forcing their concert attendees to endure extended stretches of unfamiliar songs and denying them the much longed-for release of their only radio single.
“I just love the looks on their sad little faces when we really get going,” Coomey explained. “Sometimes I’ll tease them over and over. I’ll start with a few songs that have the same opening chords as ‘Rhubarb Road.’ They’ll think I’m finally easing up and then I just hold them down again. On particularly mean-spirited nights, I’ll really sock it to them with our 17-minute experimental ballad ‘Following Her Until the End of Time.’ They’re screaming in utterly helpless pain by the fourth verse.”
According to noted entertainment psychologist Dr. Laurel H. Perugini, this behavior is a classic response to one-hit-wonders’ frustrations with the unpredictability of industry success.
“They are desperate for any power,” Perugini said. “Controlling the setlist at the expense of whatever remaining fans they might have is the only thing that satisfies them. Sadly, we have found that the risk increases at least tenfold for bands whose singular minor hit appeared in a car commercial and is now referred to as ‘that one from the Hyundai ad.’”
At press time, Wildertown Archer had closed out its encore at the Cedar Stack Lounge by playing an unrecognizable falsetto remix of “Rhubarb Road” to the seven attendees left.