AUBURN, N.Y. — Local metalhead Stew Benendez came to the realization he could no longer headbang the way he used to after noticing how dizzy…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local man Thomas Harper mistakenly ordered a large number of CDs by nu-metal band Powerman 5000 in a frenzied attempt to purchase…
How many times have you been watching TV when a Taco Bell commercial comes on showing hot, smiling twenty-somethings “chilling” and “laughing” and you think…
LOCKPORT, N.Y. — Local 35-year-old man Richard Colburn recently came to the stark realization that he will never again experience joy like he did watching…
LOWELL, Mass. — Local boozehound Dennis McLaughlin was divinely inspired to continue to drink to the point of incoherence after witnessing an image of former…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local noise festival Thwack Fest announced it would be partnering with their sponsors Harbor Freight and Excedrin to give festivalgoers a weekend…
SAN FRANCISCO — Super7, the popular toy company known for its niche collectables, released a new talking Lars Ulrich doll that comes equipped with a…
UTICA, N.Y. — VFW Post 226 held an emergency fish fry in an attempt to relieve it from the stench that lingered from the punk…
CAMILLUS, N.Y. — Local black metal band Bügnorkvlt shrouded a crowd with their evil, mystifying atmosphere, despite playing at a barely attended bowling alley, corpse-painted…
Spotting someone in public wearing a shirt of a metal band you also like can immediately trigger a camaraderie that is seldom seen in other…
I know that anytime you go to a metal show and focus in on the drummer pounding away on the skins at 250 beats per…
BEDFORD, N.Y. — Local black metal fan Dennis “Bjorn” Rubenstein celebrated the news of the Farmer’s Almanac forecasting a particularly harsh winter this year, several…
Working people unite! Now is the time to seize the moment! Now is the time to stand up against the wealthy elites who have dictated…
ITHACA, N.Y. — A recent study by Cornell University found that a striking one out of five local metal band t-shirts ends up inside an…
NEW YORK — Total loser Jay Draboll plans to spend his entire New Year’s Eve partying with friends in what will be deemed an unforgettable…