February 2020 - HARDTIMES

metal band, posers, controversy, wikipedia

Supposed Metal Band Doesn’t Even Have “Controversy” Section On Wikipedia Page

Dan Kozuh • February 29, 2020

CLEVELAND — Alleged metal band Gore God are under scrutiny from the worldwide heavy metal community today after it was…

5 Panic Attack Relief Tips You’ll Forget as Soon as You’re Having a Panic Attack

Dan Kozuh • February 29, 2020

Uh-oh, it's happening again. That flush feeling. The heart palpitations. Racing thoughts. The signs are clear: you are having another…

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Bernie Sanders, bernie bros, dnc, democrats, democratic

DNC Begs “Bernie Bros” to Please Stop Inciting Enthusiasm Into Democratic Party

Bobby Korec • February 29, 2020

WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a public statement today, imploring Bernie Sanders supporters, pejoratively referred to as “Bernie…

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I’m Drunk and an Hour Late but I Deserve to Be Right in Front of the Stage

Ted Pillow • February 29, 2020

Get the hell out of my way! I just got here an hour late and I’m shitfaced but it’s my…

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Date Brought to Grinding Halt After Third Eye Blind Used as Example of Punk Band

James Knapp • February 29, 2020

BEL AIR, Md. — A Tinder date between “Bloody” Mary Wolski and certifiable poser Jared VanAuden ended abruptly moments ago…

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Casual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of Grief

Hunter R. Thompson • February 29, 2020

CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Twenty-eight year old Liam Glasser, secretly loathed by his friends and loved ones for failing to make…

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four year strong, brain pain, pure noise

Four Year Strong Trapped in Breakdown to Song They Don’t Remember

Ted Pillow • February 28, 2020

BOSTON — Extremely sweaty attendees at a Four Year Strong "Brain Pain" record release show report the band has been…

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When This Vinyl Newbie Wanted to Share Our Enthusiasm for Records, We Banded Together to Make Him Feel Stupid and Inferior

Jon Swihart • February 28, 2020

We could tell the instant Jacob Spivey walked into Sunnyside Music that he didn’t know a single thing about records.…

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Ally Hopes He Doesn’t Have To Do Anything

Mark Bouchard • February 28, 2020

CHICAGO — Logan Square resident Nick McMahon is enjoying the social capital gained from his passionate tweets against police brutality,…

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Help! Why Does “Dust in the Wind” Start Playing Every Time I Eat Alone in My Apartment?

Jonah Nink • February 28, 2020

It’s been happening for nearly a month now. I’ll be alone in my apartment about to enjoy a tasty half…

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