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Four Year Strong Trapped in Breakdown to Song They Don’t Remember

BOSTON — Extremely sweaty attendees at a Four Year Strong “Brain Pain” record release show report the band has been playing the same breakdown for so long, they can’t remember which song the breakdown was from in the first place.

“We’re dying out here, man,” longtime Four Year Strong fan Joey Sullivan explained while feebly attempting to mosh at the Boston House of Blues. “I’ve been going off to this same breakdown for over an hour! You can only do your best pit moves for so long, man. I’m all windmilled out. At this point, I’m just hoping to be crowd-surfed to a nearby hospital.”

Witnesses report the show started normally, with Four Year Strong playing hits like “We All Float Down Here” and “Catastrophe” to a sold-out crowd. But, at some point, the band found themselves in a perpetual breakdown from which they appear unable to escape.

“I always feared this could happen,” band manager Wayne Duggan confided while trying to frantically signal to the band to just stop playing. “Even I don’t remember what song it was. Once you get far enough into a breakdown, you lose all sense of direction. By now they’re all just kind of head-banging and playing unrelated solo parts really, really slowly.”

Fans tried to help by shouting out possible song titles, but a myriad of conflicting suggestions only increased confusion. Nonetheless, Four Year Strong have not given up their desperate struggle to find their way back to the original song.

“I’m totally freaking out right now,” drummer Jake Massucco told reporters onstage while still going to town on his cymbals and kick drum. “Hold on a second! I think maybe this is it… nope, nevermind. That’s Pantera, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s definitely Pantera. Fuck.”

At press time, Four Year Strong were finally being carted offstage and wheeled into their tour van, in the hopes that they could find their way out of this musical labyrinth while en route to Friday night’s show in New York City.

Four Year Strong’s “Brain Pain” is available everywhere you get your music. Check it out here:


Photo by Mike DeMillia.