February 2020 - Page 3 of 21

Hilarious Drummer Cracks Band Up by Asking for Songwriting Credit

John Danek • February 26, 2020

LAWRENCE, Kan. — Comedy maven and respectable drummer Darrel Reynolds sent his bandmates into laughing fits yesterday by asking his…

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I Am Your Estranged Father and I Returned to Retrospectively Review “Achtung Baby”

Charles Bill • February 26, 2020

Hey there kiddo, it’s been a while huh? "Achtung Baby" was U2’s seminal 1991 masterpiece, a rejection of their previous…

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Cool Black Car With Neon Green Accents Must Be Owner’s Gaming Car

Grant Mulitz • February 26, 2020

NEW YORK — Using words like “pro,” “premium,” and “racing-style,” sources have confirmed that the black 2015 Chevy Camaro with…

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90s Nostalgia Makes Trans Millennial’s Second Adolescence Indistinguishable From First

Kyla Walker • February 26, 2020

NEW YORK — Trans millennial Natalie Martinez realized this morning that the overlapping timing of their second puberty with pop…

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I Have as Much Right as the B-52’s to Sing Loudly in Public About My Homemade Fuck-Shed

Rose Vineshank • February 26, 2020

The '80s was a time when a man could dream and that dream could come into fruition and nobody would…

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EMT, emergency, music, snob, music snob, dead

Music Snob EMT Can’t Decide Which Song to Set Chest Compressions To

Malcolm Whitfield • February 26, 2020

ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions…

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Conor McGregor Open to Superfight With Henry Rollins

The Hard Times Staff • February 25, 2020

LAS VEGAS – Outspoken former UFC Featherweight and Lightweight Champion Conor McGregor shocked the world by expressing his openness to…

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Bob Iger Steps Down to Make Room for New Disney CEO Baby Iger

Giovanni Colantonio • February 25, 2020

BURBANK, Calif. — Disney CEO Bob Iger made a surprise announcement this afternoon that he would be stepping down from…

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Eight Somehow Dead After Launch of Black Metal Streaming Service

Tim Sheard • February 25, 2020

OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight…

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‘How it Should Have Ended’ Sparks Controversy With Video ‘How the Iraq War Should Have Ended’

Jeremy Kaplowitz • February 25, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Fans of hit YouTube animated series How It Should Have Ended have erupted in anger after the…

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