Mark Bouchard, Author at HARDTIMES

5 Lyrics From Bruce Springsteen’s “Born To Run” That I Can’t Stop Writing on Little Pieces of Paper Before Crumpling Them up and Swallowing Them Whole

March 20, 2021

Bruce Springsteen is the greatest musician of all time and I refuse to entertain the notion that there is anyone…

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5 Places in My Apartment That Absolutely Need a Glory Hole

December 12, 2020

I’ve recently become single. During a pandemic. I’ll confirm what I’m sure you already know: it blows. If you’d like…

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I’m Going Home for Thanksgiving To Secure My Inheritance by Christmas

November 25, 2020

As Thanksgiving approaches, and COVID-19 rates get progressively worse, many of my friends are shocked that I still plan on…

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Police Officer Shoots Toddler Who Got His Nose

September 25, 2020

CHICAGO — Chicago Police Sgt. Connor Ring is on paid administrative leave after he shot a toddler in the face…

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NRA Member Rises Up Against Tyrannical Costco Employee

August 21, 2020

MURRAY, Utah — Card-carrying member of both the NRA and Costco’s premium membership Greg Young was forced to leave the…

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The Next Spongebob? This Gay Man Makes Minimum Wage

July 21, 2020

Spongebob Squarepants.The bubble-blowing, fun-loving, flamboyant sea sponge has been entertaining young children and stoned adults for over 20 years. But…

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Punk Celebrating With the “Fancy” Instant Ramen

July 18, 2020

SALT LAKE CITY — Barista and local punk Miranda Byers is celebrating her additional shift at Baxter’s Garden today with…

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I Understand “Law & Order: SVU” Is Copaganda, but Also I Have Depression

July 3, 2020

I am well aware that the characters in "Law & Order: SVU" occasionally use excessive force and routinely engage in…

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The Coronavirus Put Me, a Bioweapons Engineer Hired by Mitch McConnell, out of Work

April 16, 2020

Politicians are arguing over how best to implement a stimulus package and all I can think about is how much…

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coronavirus, unemployed, job, home, loser

Coronavirus Forces Punk to be Unemployed From Home

March 22, 2020

CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars…

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